


The Taste Of Loneliness

by TWDGPS007



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Heartache, Heartbreak, Inspired by The Walking Dead, Loneliness, Negan Being Negan, Pre-Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-08-30 18:33:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 28,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8544550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWDGPS007/pseuds/TWDGPS007
Summary: Negan wasn't always the tyrannical leader he became during the apocalypse. Before he had a meager life. A wife. A house. Bills. Even a mistress. But when Lucille was diagnosed with cancer he took it as a sign from above that he needed to stop. Devoting every second to her but knowing it couldn't change anything in the end.





	1. Chapter 1

"Negan... Negan.. "  
Knuckles rapped against the cheap wooden desk he sat at. Looking up from his steaming mug of black coffee at the principal of the school he worked in. Arnold Clark, a bald headed prick who waxed his desk every Monday to make it shine. 

"Shit.. Sorry what? "  
He grumbled taking another sip of the scalding hot liquid, but he didn't feel the burn anymore. He deserved it after all, every single bit of pain. Only having been back to work for a week after his wifes death. Lucille had died from her progressive cancer, he'd knew it was coming but so soon? He'd never have been able to prepare himself for it. Now he was a shell of the man he used to be. Barely acknowledging his friends and coworkers. Usually spacing out like he was now. 

"The new English teacher starts today and I've got a lot of phone calls to make so could you show her around and help her get settled in her room before your first Class? "

Negan just sighed in annoyance, rubbing a hand over his tired face. The bags under his eyes darker now than his own hair. But nodded once as he stood up from his cracked leather chair. 

"Guess I fucking can. " He smirked knowing everyone hated his profanities especially the principal. But no one else would work for the shit pay. Patting Arnold on the back as he walked from his broom closet of an office. 

The high school he worked in was simple, a three a rank with a fourth rank football team and even worse baseball team. In the middle of nowhere almost, ten minutes from the town but oddly peaceful.  
Everyone knew everyone which pissed Negan off, especially the looks of pity he received for the loss of his wife. He didn't want their pity. He just wanted to move on and forget. He had made her feel like absolute trash and never could make up for it. 

Shoving his hands into his pockets as he walked up the hallway to the front office. Sitting in one of the cheap chairs as he waited, wondering if it'd be some old crone who still wore clothes from the fifties. Or some little gay twig who wore bow ties and drank hot tea instead of coffee.  
Crossing his arms as he stared down at the cracked linoleum, letting the typing of the secretary zone him out.  
Until he heard a woman's voice.

"Hello. Yes I'm the new English teacher I'm supposed to be meeting with Arnold Clark? "  
Her voice was slightly timid and nervous, like she was applying for her first job. 

Negan looked up and his eyes widened slightly. She wasn't an old crone or some gay guy. But she was an average but beautiful woman.  
Her chestnut brown hair was pinned up into a messy bun. Hazel eyes searching over the desk absently mindedly as the secretary searched through papers. Long legs encased in sheer black pantyhose, short black pumps making her a bit taller than she normally was. A white skirt fell just below her knees, and a blue button up blouse with ruffled edged adorned her upper body. She didn't ware much makeup, probably just some blush or whatever it is women wear Negan thought to himself.  
Clearing his throat he stood up from the chair looking at her with a soft expression.

"Arnold is fucking busy. He asked me to fucking show you around..."  
He held his hand out for a proper introduction a slight smirk forming on his lips, showing his pearly whites. 

"I'm Negan. " His eyes softened as she flashed a similar smile, offering her petite hand for the introduction. 

"Rachel Stevens. Nice to meet you Negan. " Her voice was smokey, making his heart rate increase some. Oddly enough his palms became sweaty, he dropping his hand and looking behind her. 

"So you've got some fucking boxes and shit? " He muttered before looking back at her. Hell he didn't want to stop looking at her. To him she was beautiful, other men maybe not. She let out a soft laugh at his words, raising an eyebrow as she nodded.

"Do you always have such a colorful vocabulary? " She put her hands on her hips before waking out the door of the office to her sedan. Popping open the hood now to show the boxes she lifted one and passed it to him. He grunted softly and nodded.

"I sure fucking do. And everyone fucking loves it. " He winked at her before turning to walk back inside with the box. Sitting it in the office before walking back out to get another one. Taking his time to load them all inside. 

"I'll go grab a fucking cart for all these." He muttered moving to the side room off the office for one of the carts. Of course the last one which had a squeaky wheel. Huffing he pushed it out and put her belongings on it before motioning for her to follow him. 

"So we clock in and shit here. Science, history and math classes are that way... " He pointed to the right hallway, while he began leading her down the opposite one. 

"While this way is the others. Extracurricular activities and that shit. And English rooms.. " He muttered, awkwardly knowing the only reason she was here was because Lucille had died. They'd been looking for a part time replacement anyways but now the full-time position was open.  
He fell silent as he pushed the cart down the hallway to the empty classroom she'd be in. Clearing his throat as he left the cart beside the empty desk. 

"Here you fucking go. Hope you get fucking settled easy. " He muttered rubbing the back of his neck. As he looked around the room, it felt like he was stepping back in time. But he couldn't linger on those thoughts too long. 

"Oh I'm sure I will. Thank you again Negan. " She smiled sincerely as she opened one of the boxes and began putting personal objects on the desk.  
Humming to herself as she looked at him with a slightly perplexed expression.

"Is something wrong? " She questioned slightly concerned, he seemed completely zoned out. And uneasy. He let out a long sigh running a hand over his face before turning to the door. 

"My fucking wife used to teach in this room. She died last fucking week. "  
He didn't mean to come off harsh but that's just how he was. Knowing she'd probably question him he turned and walked from the room, going back to his office to get ready for gym class.


	2. Chapter 2

"Crazy kids.. Have a good fucking weekend." Negan chuckled waving them off as they all left the gym locker rooms. High fiving some of the guys as they passed. Wishing them good luck at the game tonight. Making sure everyone was out before he locked up the equipment and locker rooms. Going to his office with some papers that were mandatory, he never understanding that. Teaching gym but still having to do damned paper work everyday. Wiping a towel over his forehead before tossing it into the laundry bin. Whistling lowly as he walked down the hallway. Turning a corner and running right into someone. Dropping his manilla folders and papers, she dropping her books and papers as well. 

"Oh shit.. Sorry. " He muttered crouching down to pick things up, seeing a familiar color he then met the gaze of the person. His lips instantly curling into a small smile showing his dimples seeing Rachel again. 

"Damn gotta watch where you're walking Rachel. These hallways can be fucking dangerous." He teased passing her the pink folder which was clearly hers. His words making her emitt a soft laugh, her cheeks turning slightly pink out of pure embarrassment. 

"I'm sorry really. I'm just all over the place today. If you couldn't tell I'm nervous. This was my first job as a teacher in years. I was lucky to get it..." She quickly stopped then shook her head as a frown frowned. "No.. No I wasn't oh my God I'm sorry I.. "   
She sighed looking regrettably upset now. Knowing she probably had upset him. At first he just shrugged, shaking his head in response too. Making sure she had her papers and he his. 

"Don't be fucking sorry. You're getting to live the life you fucking want to. Don't ever be fucking sorry for doing something for yourself.. " He muttered knowing almost everything he'd done had been for himself. No one else in mind, especially not his wife Lucille. And that bit him back hard in the end. He turned his gaze to look at the white brick wall now, but soon felt a small hand on his broad shoulder. Raising an eyebrow as he turned his gaze back to her. 

"No I really am. Losing someone like that, that close isn't easy I know very well. I lost my brother last year. He was in Afghanistan. So you're not alone. " She flashed a faint, sincere smile dropping her hand now as she held the book and papers to her chest. Waiting for his reaction.   
He just let out a long sigh, looking at her with a soft expression.

"Thanks I fucking guess. That's a little better than people just saying I'm sorry and all that sappy shit. So, thanks. " He nodded once flashing a small smile and waved his hand.   
"Enough about the sad shit. Are you new to town or something? " He questioned curiously knowing teachers could easily move if need be. Mostly because of pay rates around the area. 

"Oh yeah I actually am. I grew up in Pittsburgh and I have some family here. And my roommate from college teaches at the middle school. So a move was a new adventure for me. " She smiled softly at him, surprised he'd asked her something halfway personal. "I take it you're a local? "

He chuckled lowly nodding once   
"Yeah born and fucking raised here. Know everything and everyone.. " Rolling his eyes knowing small towns like this were ridiculous. Nothing could be kept secret it seemed.   
"I always liked the fucking country though. Big cities were too damned much for me. " Shrugging as he began walking not expecting her to follow. 

"Oh I know. I graduated high school with all the kids I ate paste with in kindergarten. " She laughed softly. Which made Negan sigh, her laugh was so angelic it made him want to cry. And she seemed absolutely perfect, probably was like a den mother to all the troubled kids already. 

"Listen.. I've got alot of fucking paperwork so.. I guess I'll see you around. " He chuckled waving her off as he quickly went back to his office. Shutting the door as he sat down at his desk. Putting his head in his hands and forgetting about the paper work for now. Thankful it was nearly four o clock and he'd get to go home soon. But it hardly felt like home anymore. 

It was the house he and Lucille had bought together before they married. A small two bedroom house with a big back yard. It had far too many memories of their life together. He'd been contemplating selling it over the past few days. But he couldn't bring himself to yet. Barely spending time their other than to sleep, change and eat. Every other time he'd take his time at the school or the car lot. And he couldn't afford to quit it. Living alone on the teaching salary wouldn't be easy. He still had some of Lucille's medical bills to pay too. Her insurance not covering everything which was even more of a burden on him, reminding him of the sins he'd committed in their marriage. 

He opened the desktop internet screen now, sighing as he deleted the useless emails before refreshing the page. Raising an eyebrow slightly surprised to see a new email from rachstevens@yahoo.com it being evident who it was from.   
Opening it with a curious expression etched on his tired features. 

[Negan I know we didn't get off on the right foot. Let me make it up to you. You pick the place for dinner but I'll buy. And we can just talk. You can talk about your wife and I'll talk about my brother. Maybe it'll help us both.]

He scoffed at her lame attempt to become friends with him, little did she know he didn't need any friends right now. Especially a woman so beautiful as her. He'd just get distracted and try to get her in bed and he couldn't do that to a coworker. That was his limit. Granted Lucile had been his coworker when they first met but that was different. No one could ever replace Lucille. 

But his own words echoed in his head. Don't ever be fucking sorry for doing something for yourself. Thinking it over be opened the response box and typed back. 

[Little Italy at six o'clock. It's downtown beside the bank.]

Clicking send and rubbing his forehead wondering what on earth he was doing. He was still a grieving husband. But her response answered his question.

[Can't wait. I love Italian food even if it's fake. :) ]

He smirked leaning back in his chair. The cheesy smiley face making her seem even more interesting. But he quickly sighed. He'd just accepted a date from her. What the hell was he doing?


	3. Chapter 3

Negan stood outside the restaurant, leaning against the brick wall as he waited for her. Already asking for a table for two near the bar knowing he'd want to drink, and probably alot at that. Tugging at the collar of his button up shirt he wore. Knowing the restaurant was fairly sophisticated.   
He'd managed to dress in some black pants and a navy blue button up shirt. Slicking his hair back with some gel after a long hot shower. Knowing he should be feeling slightly happy but he knew no one deserved to be friends or anything with him. He'd eventually hurt them and wouldn't be able to fix things. 

"Wow so you do own more than tee shirts and gym shorts." A soft voice shook him from his thoughts as he looked up. Seeing Rachel walking towards him. She sporting a midcalf length maxi dress, making her chest even more bodacious. Clearing his throat he chuckled lowly rubbing his chin. 

"Yeah I own some other fucking clothes. Come on. I don't know about you but I need a damned drink. " He opened the door for her letting her walk inside first before he followed her. The waiter taking them to the small table near the bar.

"I'll have a beer.. " He raised an eyebrow at her now across the table as he grabbed a breadstick from the basket. 

"A glass of chardonnay please. " She uttered in response picking up her menu and glancing through it.   
"Wow this place has some interesting dishes. But my favorite is chicken Parmesan. " She smiled at him across the table, having let her hair down since work. The dark ringlets with slight curls resting on her shoulders now. 

"Really? I like lasagna. " He shrugged taking a sip of the beer after the waiter set it and her glass of wine down. "I guess we'll fucking have the chicken Parmesan and lasagna. " He nodded passing the menus to the waiter. And the awkwardness ensued. Both taking silent sips of their drinks. She finally breaking the silence. 

"Thanks for coming. It's been rather boring for me on Friday nights. Usually a take out box of noodles and a chick flick. " She laughed nodding once at herself. Knowing he probably thought she was ridiculous now.   
He shrugged smirking lightly.

"No worse than mine. Watching reruns of shitty movies before passing out. " He chuckled lowly, finishing his first beer and waving the bartender for another one. 

"Well I guess we're both boring then. " She teased laughing softly again. Sipping on her wine, the soft chatter and laughter of other patrons around them. 

"I guess fucking so.." He uttered in response. Looking at her with an intense gaze. Wondering if she was wanting to try even more than just talk this evening. He finding the courage quickly to question her. "So why the fuck did you practically ask me out on a goddamned date? " He didn't hold back any of the harshness in his voice. Wanting things to be extremely clear. 

She was taken back tremendously, blinking several times before speaking with a throaty voice.   
"Well excuse me for trying to be a nice person and show some compassion for someone who's lost someone close. I wasn't trying to get you in bed with me if that's what you're thinking. So get that out of your mind right now Negan. I'm... I'm appalled you'd think that. " Her emotions welling up obviously hurt by his accusations.   
He chuckled lowly at her shaking his head as he jabbed a finger at her. 

"Oh trust me sweetheart I fucking know. You come to a new town, new job and need a new boyfriend. But I don't fucking buy it. And we just fucking met. You don't offer to buy someone fucking dinner just to talk. That's what fucking coffee is for. So ex-fucking-cuse me for trying to save both of us the fucking hurt of you getting too damned attached to a complete asshole like me."   
He rambled out in a hurried tone, his voice rising several octaves before he eventually huffed as he finished. As soon as he did however he felt the cool liquid of her wine being splashed over his face. Rachel having stood and thrown it at him, a hateful look on her face. 

"And you're most certainly right Negan. You are a complete asshole. Hope you enjoy your dinner. " She snapped, standing straight as she marched from the table to the front door. Everyone looking at him with confusion and awe. Mostly because he knew some of the people. He just sat there with a blank expression feeling the wine dripping from his face and soaking his collar.   
As the waiter came back with a dumbfounded expression he pulled his wallet out and passed him two twenties. 

"Keep the fucking change for the damned mess.." He muttered wiping his face off with one of the cloth napkins before leaving the restaurant too. Hunching his shoulders and ducking his head as he went to his car parked down the street. Getting in and slamming the door. 

"Un-fucking-believable. Crazy. Ass. Bitch. " He growled starting his car then speeding home, needing something far more stronger than beer now. Thankful later on he didn't get pulled over by a cop.   
As he went inside his house he sighed slamming the door there too. 

"I hope you're fucking happy lucille.. " He uttered looking up for a moment before going to the bedroom. Stripping off the wine stained clothes, dropping them in his laundry basket. Then pulling on his pajama pants and walking to the kitchen. Grabbing his bottle of Jack Daniels from the cabinet beside the refrigerator.   
Frowning as he saw the pictures on it of he and Lucille from happier times. A miniature one of their wedding, one of them in a park one day and another with them on the porch of their house.   
With a growl he ripped them off, letting them fall to the floor as he sulked to the bedroom. Laying on the bed as he planned on getting shit faced drunk and forgetting about everyone. Especially Rachel.


	4. Chapter 4

Rachel stood in front of her vanity mirror wiping off the little makeup she still had on from the day. 

"The nerve of him. Thinking all I wanted was sex. " She huffed shaking her head as she picked up the brush and began attempting to tame her hair. Her intentions were purely to talk but he couldn't see past that which upset her. She'd never try to take advantage of a man who'd just lost his wife. 

"But you shouldn't have thrown your wine on him.. " She muttered to herself feeling slightly awful that she made such a scene in the restaurant. Glancing down as her cell phone began ringing. Her friend from college, Ashton was calling probably wanting the details of her date.   
Reluctantly she pressed the answer button holding it up to her ear with a sigh and roll of her eyes. 

"Hello?"  
"Rach! How did it go? Was he all hot and smouldering or mysterious and..."  
She cut her friend off quickly. 

"I threw my wine on him and left him because he thought I only wanted sex. Called him an asshole so yeah."

"What?! He thought.. Oh my goodness gracious. He's such a prick then. I'm sorry he thought that. " 

"I know. But I probably pushed to hard to talk about things. He doesn't seem like a person who shares his feelings anyway. But now it's just going to be incredibly awkward seeing him at work. " She groaned moving back to sit on her bed. Glancing out the window of her apartment, seeing the sun setting.

"Oh well his loss. We need to meet up soon for lunch and some shopping. "  
She smiled lightly at the offer.

"Yeah we should. I gotta go. Talk later Ash. " Hitting the end call button and sitting her phone on the nightstand.   
Knowing she was spending the day running errands tomorrow she decided to hit the hay early. Taking off the dress and pulling on some yoga pants and a loose tank top. Laying down in bed wishing she would forget about that evening. 

\-----------

Negan awoke Saturday morning with the worst hangover he'd had in years. The empty bottle of Jack Daniels was in the floor beside the bed, having fallen off sometime in the night. Groaning he pulled the pillow over his head wishing the world to just stop for the day. All he wanted was to lay in bed and forget.   
But he needed coffee and he was out at the house. Which meant he had to go to town. With a loud grunt he he sat up from bed, moving to his closet and grabbing a tee shirt and some jeans. Sliding his shoes on then going to the bathroom. Popping two Tylenol dry before grabbing his car keys and leaving the house.

Driving down to the coffee shop wanting the biggest cup possible. Waiting in line not really paying attention to anyone around him. Until he heard a familiar voice in front of him. His throat tightening up as he saw Rachel making her order and waiting patiently off to the side.   
Everything in him was telling him to turn around and walk out. Save them both some awkwardness. But he didn't move. Not even when she grabbed her cup of coffee and turned around, their eyes meeting across the few feet that separated them. Her cheeks turned slightly red as his shoulders sagged with defeat. Clearing his throat he spoke first. 

"Good fucking morning.. " He uttered softly hoping she didn't bring up the previous evening.   
She sighed nodding slowly and flashing a small smile.

"Good morning Negan. " Her tone was flat and unwelcoming, she moving to walk past him to leave the shop. But he reached out grabbing her arm gently. 

"I'm fucking sorry I said all that shit. And made a fool of myself in the damned restaurant. I was just...fucking frustrated." He rambled to her in a rush knowing she was probably extremely pissed off at him.  
It took some seconds but she finally smiled lightly at him. 

"I'm sorry I threw my wine on you. That was...pretty dramatic for me. "  
She let out a soft laugh of embarrassment. He laughing with her as he rubbed the back of his neck. 

"I fucking deserved that don't be fucking sorry." He dropped his hand from her arm and nodded to the door.  
"I should let you get going then. Probably have as much shit as I have to do today."   
Stepping up as the line moved, he ordering a large black coffee with two sugar and light cream. And a banana nut muffin since he hadn't had breakfast yet. All the while feeling her eyes boring a hole into the back of his head. After paying for his order he turned and looked at her. Grunting softly.

"Wanna fucking sit and talk? " he muttered moving over to sit at a table. Half expecting her to blow him off again. Hoping she didn't throw her scalding hot coffee in his face this time.   
But he was met with her soft smile, she sitting down across from him. Looking at his choice of drink and food. Scrunching her nose up in disgust.

"How on earth can you drink that? It's just.. Coffee.. No flavor or anything.. "   
He just chuckled raising an eyebrow at her now. 

"Because it's fucking good like that sweetheart. Helps wake you up more. Rather than.. Let me fucking guess, some fancy cappuccino shit or exprreso. " he couldn't help tease her now. She instantly huffing slightly annoyed but smirked at him in response. 

"I'll have you know it's a chai latte."   
He just chuckled more shaking his head. 

"Typical white girl. " Unable to resist winking at her now. Which made her blush again, he remembering faintly when Lucille was always so bashful around him like this. Clearing his throat he pinched off some of the muffin and popped it in his mouth. Offering some to her which she declined. 

"I don't like bananas."   
He scoffed immediately at her, but smirked lightly. 

"You're fucking weird then. Fancy coffee shit and don't like bananas. Let me guess you don't like sports either?" He questioned sort of curiously now. 

"Oh no I love baseball.. " Her eyes lit up now as she began speaking. Taking a sip from her cup before continuing. 

"Me and my dad would go all the time to pirates games. He had season tickets, he coached little league. So I pretty much grew up around it. " She shrugged not thinking it was a big deal although it surprised many guys that she liked baseball.  
He was surprised most of all, knowing he had something else to tease her about. 

"I know you women. You just fucking like looking at their asses." He rolled his eyes taking a sip, seeing her roll her eyes and blush again. 

"No I do not thank you very much. It's a very beautiful sport if you look at it. And more entertaining than football or basketball. Baseball is kind of like dancing, you have to make the right steps or you'll fall. Or be ridiculed for messing up. " 

He raised an eyebrow as she compared the two, but just shrugged for now. 

"It's a bunch of sweaty guys hitting balls and swearing. Oh and don't forget taking drugs. " He chuckled lightly.

"I bet that's why you like it mhm? All the profanity. " It was her turn to tease him some.   
He just chuckled again nodding once. 

"But you enjoy my colorful fucking vocabulary. It keeps things even more entertaining than damned baseball."   
He stated matter of factly. 

She couldn't help but laugh, flashing her perfect smile at him. 

"Yes you're a very entertaining person Negan. Despite the vulgarity. " She sipped on her drink more, watching him. Noticing how his eyes would squint some whenever she said something odd. Or when she laughed or blushed they seemed to widen into pie plates. The almost amber like irises burning a hole into her as they talked. 

"Oh sorry what? " She laughed turning red.

"You were fucking staring at me." He chuckled lowly leaning back in his chair as he drummed his fingers against the table top. Watching her now with an intense gaze. She looking like a deer caught in headlights. Her hazel eyes soft and almond shaped. The way they stretched when she laughed and widened as she blushed at his inappropriate comments. 

"Oh oh.. Sorry I didn't mean to.. "   
He raised an eyebrow curious at her. Blurting out without thinking. 

"You're fucking beautiful so I don't mind.. " Making her turn even redder than before.


	5. Chapter 5

Rachel blinked in surprise at Negans words. He'd just admitted that he found her incredibly beautiful. Her hands tightened around the coffee cup as she was rendered absolutely speechless. It had been awhile since she'd been complimented so by someone. Especially a man, an attractive one at that. 

He seemed surprised at himself too, knowing he probably had overstepped. But he didn't regret it nor would he take it back. 

"I'm fucking serious.. " He mutters finishing his coffee now before standing up. 

"I should fucking get going. " Clearing his throat as he threw away his cup and trash. Brushing crumbs off the front of his shirt as he gave her a wave before swiftly leaving the coffee shop. Knowing Monday morning would prove to be very awkward for them both. 

He setting out to begin his errands, going to the hospital first. Speaking with someone about payments on the bills. Getting the needed paperwork and what not before going to the supermarket. As he walked down the aisles putting some groceries in his car he sighed. 

"Way to fucking go Negan.. Tell her she's beautiful over fucking coffee. Bet she's already fucking skipped town because of your fucking mouth."  
Tossing a loaf of bread into his cart then some peanut butter. Pinching the bridge of his nose thinking over the other things he needed. Taking his time to get enough food for himself for a week then going to check out.   
Waiting what seemed like forever behind some old hag who insisted on using a million coupons. He just standing and flipping through a magazine about sports. His mind elsewhere as the cashier rang up each item and asked for the payment. He methodically sliding his card before leaving the store. His actions robotic as he remembered trips like this being light before Lucille passed.   
She had rarely eaten anything and half the time could only stomach light foods. He honestly didn't remember the last time he had cooked a real meal in the house. 

Going home now to put up the groceries, sighing as some of Lucille still lingered in the house. Her favorite soda in a box in the refrigerator, that nasty bleu cheese she loved in the bottom, a bottle of wine from the kind they'd had when they gotten married. Not to mention some medicines that needed refrigerated. For now he just shoved them aside to make room for his milk and eggs. 

Once things were put away he grabbed his keys and left the house again. Going back into town to a real-estate office. Walking inside which felt terribly awkward, because this was the same one they'd bought the house from. 

"Yes may I help you? " A petite blonde asked from the front desk. 

"Uh yeah I need to speak to Luke.. About selling a house. " He muttered shoving his hands into his pockets. 

"Alright just one moment he's finishing up a consultation. Then you can head on in. "  
He nodded once as he sat down in one of the padded chairs crossing one leg over the other and leaning his head back. Closing his eyes as he willed himself to forget. And this was the first step in moving on. 

"Negan! What's up man? " A man's voice shook him from his thoughts as he sat up. Seeing Luke walking over with a hand outstretched for a shake. 

"Just need to fucking talk about something.. " He mutters shaking the overly energetic man's hand.

"Well right this way.. " Luke motioned to his office, walking ahead of Negan. 

"I'm gonna fucking cut right to the point.. " He grunted as he sat in the chair in front of the overly gaudy desk. Must be mahogany or something but it was dark. Almost black. 

"I want to fucking sell the house. After Lucille died.. I can't fucking be there anymore.. Too many fucking memories and too much fucking space for me. So, help me out ." His tone was slightly off, knowing this needed to happen for closure.   
Luke seemed shocked as he leaned back in his chair looking at Negan across the desk.

"Damn man. I'm sorry about that. I heard about her passing. And I can understand but you don't want to make any ras--.. "

"Bullshit you don't understand. It was my fucking wife and it's my fucking house and if I want to fucking sell it you'll help me or I'll go to someone else. " He grunted knowing the guy wouldn't pass up an opportunity to make some money.   
With a sigh from Luke he nodded slowly. 

"Okay.. Okay.. Let me crunch some numbers and I'll give you a call okay. But you could go ahead and put a sign up, getting the word out. It's in a good neighborhood so it shouldn't be that hard. " 

"Good.. Thanks man.. " He mutters standing up and leaving the office. Knowing he already had his number from before. Hunching his shoulders as he left the office. Going to his car and heading down to the hardware store. Getting what he needed before returning to the house. As he got from the car he grabbed the last purchase he'd made. With a grunt he slammed the for sale sign down into the dirt near the road. Knowing this would help things move along. Make him forget.


	6. Chapter 6

Wheewwww! 

Negan blew hard on the whistle to signal the end of gym class for the day. Knowing Monday's were hard one everyone not just the students. Ending the basketball drills fifteen minutes early to give them a break.

"Go on and fucking clean up and shit. Josh and Archie put the equipment away. And for fuck sake do it right this time? " he couldn't help chuckle remembering the last time the goofballs had done it. 

"Whatever you say coach Negan." Their adolescent voiced rang out in unison as they ran off to grab the cart. 

He just chuckled lowly shaking his head as he went back to his office. Sitting in his chair with a heavy sigh. Pulling out the paper he'd jotted notes about the house. Luke had quoted he'd get twice as much as they'd paid for it now due to the market and high value of the area. Which was good for him. But he still felt a twinge of guilt for even considering it. No one had come by or asked about it yet, but it'd only been two days.

He briefly wondered about Rachel, he'd seen her car parked in the lot but hadn't seen her in the hallways or the staff lounge yet. Probably trying her best to avoid him and he couldn't blame her one bit. 

Pulling up his desktop he opened the staff email, letting out a loud groan of annoyance at the reminder of parent teacher night this week thursday. He absolutely hated those, before they were only tolerable because he and Lucille would sometimes sneak to a closet and screw around. He'd usually hang out with her at her room, enjoying the way she seemed like a mother to all her students. 

But now that she was gone it would be just another boring night. Having to force the niceness out for parents sake. He zoning out until he heard someone clearing their throat from his doorway. Looking up from the computer he saw Rachel. A small smile tugging at his lips. 

"Well hey. " He muttered.   
"Hey yourself.. " She uttered walking in and setting a paper plate with two slices of pizza on his desk. 

"Bryson brought pizza in for the staff today. Figured you'd want some before it got gone." She shrugged flashing a small smile to him.   
He nodded once, smirking lightly at her, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. 

"You don't need fucking pizza as a fucking excuse to come talk to me Rachel. " He chuckled lightly taking the plate anyways. 

"I know. I know. I just wanted to talk." She muttered smoothing her skirt down before sitting. 

"What you said at the coffee shop the other day got me thinking.. " She took a soft breath before continuing.   
"We're both...mourning and are lonely. I think we can be friends if we try. I'm not looking for anything else Negan. No strings or sex or anything. Just friends because everyone needs a friend. " She waited, biting on her lip for his response.   
He just sat munching on the piece of pizza looking at her with a neutral expression before clearing his throat once he'd swallowed. 

"Fine. We can fucking try and be friends. But no fucking guarantee you won't get fucking tired of me. I'm not exactly a good fucking guy. " He shrugged wiping his hand on his shirt before beginning to eat some more.   
She just let out a soft laugh before standing. 

"Don't use your shirt as a napkin that's gross.. " Rolling her eyes as she turned to the door. 

"You're not my mom. " He countered with a smirk. 

"Mhm.. You'd be well behaved if I was. " She teased before walking out of his office. 

He just sighed watching her walk off. Thankful the day was almost over.   
Finishing up the pizza and making sure things were locked up before leaving, slightly earlier than he was supposed to but he didn't care.   
Going to his car and cranking it, a strange noise coming from the engine as he growled. 

"Fuck this."  He grunted speeding from the school parking lot and heading to town rather than home.   
Stopping first at a consignment shop. Then going to the car lot, trading his piece of shit for something better. 

Soon he was riding down the road on his new used Harley. The wind whipping his face but his arms and chest were protected by his shiny new leather jacket. A small smirk forming as some women waved at him as he waited at a red-light. This was a good idea. He felt on top of the world now, he had a motorcycle back in college but got rid of it when he met Lucille. She telling him it was a dangerous thing. But she loved riding it with him. The wind whipping her hair. 

As he pulled into the driveway at the house he sighed, opening the garage door to park his new toy in it. Glancing at the dusty ping pong table before going to the kitchen. Grabbing himself a beer, knowing things would never be the same. So he wanted to try and start some things over. Make new memories for himself. 

\-------  
As he pulled into the parking lot of the school the next morning he smirked. Seeing Rachel looking at him from across the lot with a surprised yet intrigued expression.

"Take a fucking picture, it'll last fucking longer! " He called out to her with a chuckle.

"I would but I left my phone inside." She couldn't help laugh softly as she walked over to him.   
"I see you upgraded from the sedan.. "

"Yeah.. It was a piece of shit. And this will be better since its just me. " He shrugged, looking at her with a small smirk still. 

"What? " She flashed a small smile turning a little pink in the cheeks. 

"What do you fucking say about playing fucking hookey? We can fucking ride around and just do whatever the hell we want. One fucking day won't hurt. Come on..." He grinned patting the seat behind him. She was stunned at his offer, glancing back at the school building before looking back to him with a small smile. 

"Alright.. Let's go! " She laughed, feeling like a kid again, moving around and swinging her leg over the seat. Thankful she had wore pants today. Biting on her lip before putting her arms around his abdomen, which just made him grin widely. 

"Hold on tight sweetheart.." He chuckled loudly reveing the engine before speeding out of the lot.


	7. Chapter 7

Negan couldn't remember the last time he felt this free and spontaneous. The wind whipping through his hair and Rachel's. Her arms around his abdomen gave him a jolt of excitement, the grin plastered on his lips as they sped down the roads going away from the school and past the town. Knowing having fun in their home town wouldn't work. So he hit the highway with her and headed up interstate 395 to Washington. Knowing there they could have fun, blending in with tourists.   
As soon as she realized where they were going a squel of excitement emitted from her lips right in his ear. 

He parked his bike on the curve of the downton area. The city was bustling with people walking, talking and tourists snapping pictures of everything. As he kicked the stand down he shoved the keys into his pocket and glanced at Rachel with a small smirk.

"Let's go fucking be tourists. Hell maybe we'll even meet the damned president." He teased letting her get off the bike first, noticing now she was looking around like a kid in a candy store. 

"What? " He questioned her running a hand through his hair. 

"I've always wanted to come here. See the sights..." She laughed softly, shrugging as she crossed her arms.

"Well here we are sweetheart.. " He moved over draping his arm around her shoulders, having a sense of protection over her now since they were in an unfamiliar place. 

"What should we fucking do first? " He muttered looking around seeming lost now. Hell he'd probably reduce to getting a map from somewhere. 

"I want to see the Smithsonian.. " 

"Of course you do you fucking nerd." He rolled his eyes at her, making her instantly blush, but began walking down the sidewalk. Since most everything was within walking distance of another.     
Whistling lowly as he strolled down the sidewalk with her, this feeling incredibly normal for him. He clinging to the now. 

"So what spurred this? " She finally asked glancing at him as they walked carefree down the sidewalk 

"Life's too fucking short to follow rules and not be spontaneous once and a fucking while.. " He shrugged. 

"Ah. Well.. I know this will be a very fun day. " She couldn't help but smile widely at him. Which made him grin in return. 

Starting out at the Smithsonian per her request, he paying for their entrance fee despite her protests. She dragging him through each exhibit. Not really paying attention to them, rather he watched her.   
The way her eyes lingered over items, they stretching out into wide saucers as she examined something that intrigued her. When she'd squeal in excitement seeing something really famous. When she'd grab his hand because he was zoned out and she was ready move on. 

As they sat outside of one of the cafes eating lunch later on, he leaned back in the chair and sighed. They'd spent nearly five hours wandering through the museums and stuff. And he wasn't the least bit bored. Because she was with him. 

"What? " She muttered sipping on her vanilla milkshake, dipping a fry into some ketchup. 

"Today has been fucking amazing. " He muttered taking a sip from his coke. "I haven't had this much fucking fun in..months.. " He honestly couldn't remember the last time especially before Lucille had gotten sick. 

"You had fun? " She laughed softly shaking her head. "You weren't paying attention to any of the exhibits..you wer-.." 

"No because I was fucking watching you. " He blurted out causing her to instantly blush, and stopping mid sentence. "I've been watching you because you're a fucking beautiful woman who made, Vincent Bon whoever the fuck he was, his squiggly fucking art seemingly interesting. The way you acted so fucking happy over some old piece of pottery or some shit. That's what I had fun with. Seeing you...happy.. "   
He cleared his throat at the end knowing he probably had said too much again. Glancing down at the plate of food before back to her. 

He sighed, thinking she'd be looking at him with disgust or anger. But no, she looked at him with the most sincere expression. A small smile curling her pink lips. 

"I.. I had alot of fun too Negan.. Really.. No ones ever done something like this with me.. Well for me.. " She muttered playing with the napkin beside her plate now to keep her hands busy. 

"We'll whoever your last fucking boyfriend was, he was fucking stupid. You deserve shit like this. Hell everybody does at some point. " He shrugged not realizing he halfway intended he was her boyfriend.   
"Shit I'm not you.. We're not.. fuck.. "   
He grumbled standing and taking his plate to the trash bin outside the restaurant. Knowing she was probably ready to run for the hills.   
He heard her clear her throat as she brought her plate over too. 

"We should probably head back home now.. " She didn't want to have this conversation now. Because she'd had the best time with him and she couldn't deny the feelings she had now. 

"Yeah.. Come on.. " He mutters shoving his hands in his pockets as he began walking down the sidewalk, she to his left. He looking straight ahead pushing all the thoughts from his mind until he heard tires screeching. A bright red mini cooper was coming down the street way too fast and was heading straight for the sidewalk where Rachel stood.   
He grunted yanking her by her arm towards the buildings, she falling into him as his back hit the brick building.  
The cooper bouncing over the sidewalk some where she had just stood, before speeding off again with two police cars trailing behind it. 

It all happened so quickly but he knew she was probably freaking out some. After a few seconds he reached up putting his hands on her shoulders looking her over. Seeing her wide frightened eyes. 

"Jesus fucking Christ are you okay? " He uttered glancing around at some onlookers who were just as stunned as he was. 

"I.. I think so y-yeah.. " She muttered softly putting her hands on his chest to steady herself. 

He nodded slowly glancing from her widened eyes to her lips, seeing how they trembled slightly from the shock of what had almost happened. He then made another spontaneous move. Leaning down as he carefully held her face in his hands, he brushed his lips over hers. His eyes closing as he tasted the vanilla on her lips.   
She was even more shocked at this, but as soon as their lips met her eyes fluttered shut as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Having to stand on her tiptoes to give more into the kiss. Her heart racing down as she felt his tongue lapping over her bottom lip. Sending a shiver down her spine. He was the first to break away, after clearing his throat he looked her straight in the eyes. 

"I've wanted to fucking do that all damned day. " He uttered gruffly. She just turned bright red, not saying anything for a moment before nodding slowly.

"Me too.. "


	8. Chapter 8

Negan felt like a new man. Maybe this is the way things were supposed to go? Maybe. Just maybe he was supposed to meet Rachel. All he knew now was that after their kiss, they couldn't just go back to being friends. No way in hell would he let that happen. Rachel was different, far different than any other woman he'd met. But not Lucille. No one would ever replace her, but Rachel was something else. She had some similarities to Lucille but nothing uncommon. Rachel was proper and also spontaneous, Lucille was all the way proper. Constantly chastising him for cursing in front of his students. But Rachel just laughed and rolled her eyes at him like she understood why he was that way.   
He kept a neutral expression on the ride back, occasionally when he had to stop he'd glance back to look at her.   
A silent look being passed between the two. 

By the time they had gotten back to the school it was nearly dark, her car the only one left. He parking beside it as he cut the engine so it'd be quiet. Knowing she probably wanted to talk or say something.

"Well.. Thanks for that. I had alot of fun Negan." She muttered softly wrapping her arms around herself as there was a chill in the air. 

"You're fucking welcome. I had..alot of fun too.. " He grumbled softly crossing his own arms as he looked down at the ground before he met her eyes.   
"So I'll just fucking say it. You're a damned good kisser. And any guy who's dumped you, well he's a dumbass. Because you're a fucking amazing woman.. " He nodded once knowing his way of compliments weren't always normal.   
Her cheeks instantly turned red as she glanced down trying to hide her embarrassment. But she looked back up as he continued speaking. 

"W-Well.. T-Thank you.. I.. I don't think anyone's ever said that.. " She huffed feeling the butterflies swarming in her stomach.   
He couldn't help chuckle at her reaction, especially the way she blushed so much at his words. 

"I'll fucking see you tomorrow.. Just play innocent to Arnold, bat those eyelashes and shit. He'll let you off easy, me.. I'll probably get stuck with detention duty for a week or some shit. " He smirked turning his bike back on, he kicking the stand. Winking at her before he pulled off, going down the roads back to his home. 

The next morning started better than any before. Not even needing coffee he slept so good, dreaming about Rachel. But once he was at school things quickly went downhill. A mandatory meeting being called during lunch hour, all the faculty being ushered into the auditorium.  
He sitting to the far left near the back, he saw Rachel near the front towards the right.   
Principal Arnold came onto the stage, clearing his throat into the staticky microphone. 

"I want to thank you all for coming. You'll have an email later on reviewing this as well as a digital form you have to sign showing you read over the new procedures. Now, I am appalled to say this has occurred but a staff member has anonymously filled a sexual harassment form against a coworker. Now I know all of you have your personal lives but when it comes to conduct such as this in the workplace we take it very seriously... "  
By now Negan had zoned out, as soon as he heard anonymous he looked immediately at Rachel. Remembering the kiss yesterday. Narrowing his eyes as she didn't even look back to him, why would she? She'd said herself she wanted to kiss him too. So this is how she wanted to play him? 

When the meeting had finally ended, he saw Rachel walking towards him he made a beeline to the cafeteria to grab a sandwich for lunch. Wanting to avoid the confrontation with her at all cost for the time being. He grunting a thank you in response to the cafeteria lady, and unfortunately Rachel had caught up to him. 

"Man Arnold wouldn't shut up. I mean wh-.."   
He cut her off with a harsh gaze and even harsher tone. 

"Oh shut the fuck up, don't act like you don't fucking know. " He scoffed shoving back her as he went back to the gym to get ready for the class.   
She blinked slightly stunned at his words, especially in front of other people. Huffing she shook her head and walked off to her own classroom.   
As he went to the gym he blew the whistle signaling the kids to begin practicing the basketball drills.   
He feeling utterly ridiculous, knowing he shouldn't have wasted his time with Rachel. Thankful the rest of the day seemed to go by quickly. Sitting down in his office after the stressful day, checking over the emails and putting some grades in. Not glancing up until he heard someone at the door.

"Whatever the fuck you're selling I dont want any.." He muttered but stopped seeing Rachel standing there. He instantly frowning and shaking his head at her.   
"I've got shit to do so why don't you fucking long along.."

"Listen here you stubborn ass.. " She stepped in and shut the door so they'd have privacy.  
"Why do you think I did that? I said I wanted to kiss you, I wouldn't file some harassment against you, we kissed outside work anyways. " She threw her hands around in a flurry as she spoke. Clearly upset about the way he'd spoken to her.   
He just narrowed his eyes for a moment before sighing, leaning back in his chair and pinching the bridge of his nose. 

"Shit I'm fucking stupid. Of course you..we.. Dammit.." He groaned rubbing his hands over his face.   
"I'm just fucking...me." He chuckled dryly before looking at her.   
She just smiled lightly, walking over and sitting on the edge of his desk. 

"If that's your way of apologizing to me, then I accept. " She laughed softly at him, titling her head to the side.   
His lips slowly curled up into a wide smirk. Glancing at the closed door before looking back to her. 

"Wanna fucking make out? " He grinned knowing this would be even more spontaneous and risky.   
Her eyes widened but her reddening cheeks answered his question.   
Quickly standing up he moved to stand in front of her, putting his hands on her hips as he leaned in. Pressing his lips to hers firmly, she willingly giving in as he felt her fingers curling in his hair. A low groan emitting deep from his throat as he bit down on her bottom lip, giving it a tug. Unable to fight the feeling of arousal building within his crotch. He ran a hand down her leg, causing her to shudder and groan. But she broke the kiss at that. Looking up at him with those gorgeous hazel eyes. 

"We...We should...Stop." She uttered softly, knowing the way he was going, he'd have her naked on his desk.   
He sighed heavily knowing this wouldn't be the place. Hell they'd probably get fired for it. It was worth the risk to him, but for her, he knew she wouldn't.

"Fine.. " He grumbled, but smirked.   
"Maybe we can continue later. "  
Winking at her before taking a step back and sitting in his chair. Acting as if nothing had happened. Trying to ignore the fact that he wanted to kiss her all day long. He was addicted and wanted more.


	9. Chapter 9

Rachel couldn't believe the last few days. In a matter of days she'd developed a crush on Negan. The profane gym teacher. And it made her blush almost every time she thought about their times kissing. The first when he'd pulled her from the curb, the next in his office. That even making her feel warm and fuzzy.   
With a sigh she crossed her legs, sitting on her couch that evening watching some television to try and get her mind off him. But he seemed so interesting she couldn't stop. 

"It's just a guy, calm down. " She muttered to herself picking up the remote and flipping through the channels. Settling on say yes to the dress. That even playing more with her emotions at the thought of one day picking out her own dress.   
The screen flashing red with the breaking news banner. 

"We interrupt the broadcast to bring you breaking news. At approximately seven forty five p.m. law enforcement officers were delivering a search warrant, when the suspect fled on foot. Heading north through the woods. Last seen by officers in this area near the Briarridge apartment complexes. If anyone has any information please call nine one one. "

Rachel froze immediately panicking, there was some guy on the loose near her apartments.  Biting on her lip she leapt off the couch to go make sure the door was locked tight. Letting out a soft sigh seeing it was But she was still nervous. Being alone right now was utterly terrifying for her. Her phone instantly rang and she answered it with a faint sigh. 

"Hello?"  
"Yeah it's me.. " Negans gruff voice came over the speaker.   
"Are you alright? I just fucking saw the news shit."  
"Oh.. Oh yeah I'm okay.. Yeah. Just kinda freaked out.. " She uttered softly.  
"I'm on my fucking way. " He muttered not giving her a chance to respond. She could hear him grabbing keys and moving around.   
"O-Okay.. " She muttered. He hanging up first.

Within fifteen minutes he was knocking on her door. Having put on his leather jacket over his white tee shirt. Boots hastily tied on, his jeans dirty and wrinkly. Hands shoved in his pockets as he waited for her to answer.   
Flashing a small smile when she did. 

"Yeah there were fucking reports of a devilishly handsome man wandering the streets. Wanted to fucking see if you've seen anything suspicious? " He smirked walking inside now. She couldn't help laugh softly, shutting the door and locking it. 

"I don't know. I'll have to think if I've seen any handsome men. Is he wearing a leather jacket? " She smirked lightly playing along with him as she went to sit on the couch. 

"Maybe.. Just keep your eyes out.. " He winked before shrugging his jacket off and laying it over a chair. Moving to sit beside her with a soft expression.   
"Calm the fuck down. I'm here so it'll he fucking fine. " He nodded, knowing he wouldn't act this way for anyone else.   
She nodded slowly flashing a small smile.  
"Yeah. Yeah I get it. " 

He nodded once leaning back into the couch now, looking at the television and scoffing. 

"Seriously you watch this shit? "   
"It's not shit! It's very emotional and sweet. " She rolled her eyes at him grabbing a pillow from the end of her couch and whacking him with it. Making him chuckle.

"Don't start something you can't finish. " He winked leaning over and smirking. His eyes moving over her lips. One hand on the back of the couch while one hand lingered on her leg, giving it a squeeze. Seeing her cheeks turning red from his closeness he knew she wanted it again. Chuckling lowly he leaned in, brushing his lips against hers. Feeling her succumb to the feelings as she kissed back slowly. Their lips tasting each other before he regained dominance, biting down on her lip as he pulled her into his lap. Which made her squel in excitement, he wiggling his eyebrows at her. Before leaning in and biting on her neck, knowing later on she'd have a hickey and wouldn't be able to hide it. Hands resting on her hips as he heard a low moan of pleasure escaping her puckered lips. Grinning as he felt himself aroused from this. His bulge pressing into her thigh. 

"Bed. Now. " He growled looking into her eyes now for permission. Seeing her think over it before she slowly nodded. Which just made him groan in anticipation, standing up as he held her too him. Feeling her legs go around his waist as he carried her off to her bedroom. Laying her down carefully as he kissed over her neck. Grinding against her hips, running his hands down to begin lifting her shirt up. Knowing he was doing everything right by the way she moaned and squirmed beneath him. He sat up some so he could take his shirt off, loving the way her eyes widened at his toned chest and abdomen. His own jaw dropping as he watched her take her shirt off. Seeing her pink lacy bra covering her bulging breasts, his erection pushing hard against his jeans now. 

"Holy shit.. " He uttered leaning down as he kissed and nibbled over her breasts, feeling her hands entangle in his hair. His breath hitching as he felt her unzipping his jeans, knowing she'd be even more shocked at his sheer size. It evident enough just through the black boxers he wore.   
Seeing her eyes widening as the sight.   
Helping her to shrug off his jeans, and hers. Their clothing falling over the edges of the bed to the floor.

"Fuck.. Me.. " She uttered breathlessly, looking up at his face as she pulled on his hair some. 

"With fucking pleasure.. " He uttered in response, leaning down he grabbed her panties inbetween his teeth, locking eyes with her as he tugged them down. Feeling his mouth water seeing her wet slit. A hungry growl emitted from his lips as he leaned in, lapping up some of her, his hands rubbing up and down her thighs.   
Her moans loud in his ears as he pleased her. Knowing soon enough she'd be screaming his name.   
One hand trailed down to push his boxers down, his erection springing forward. As he sat up some looking at her with a wide grin, knowing she was scared of his size. 

Moving his hands to hers he interlaced their fingers, pinning them above her head as he teased her entrance with his tip. Hissing as he felt her walls tremble and welcoming him. Holding still for a moment before he began thrusting his hips, Hearing her moan and utter his name, feeling her legs move around her waist, holding him in place.   
Finding a steady rhythm he grunted, as he thrusted hard and fast into her. Knowing this would leave her fairly sore the next morning. A thin coat of sweat building over his skin as he went deeper into her. Hearing her cry out and her sex coating him. With a final grunt he felt himself explode within her. Spilling into her and onto the sheets. Holding himself inside of her as they both panted, looking at each other for some sort of clarity as to what had just happened. He nodded slowly before pulling himself from her, collapsing onto the bed beside her.   
They laying side by side as they fought to catch their breath, covered in sweat and sex. 

"And I've fucking wanted to do that since I first fucking saw you. " He muttered with a small smirk curling his lips up.


	10. Chapter 10

Rachel woke up early the next morning, her alarm beeping annoyingly. Instantly as she reached to turn it off she sighed. Feeling the soreness of the night before. A small frown forming as she felt the empty bed beside her, her clothes still all over the floor. With a groan she sat up rubbing her eyes, seeing a note on the other pillow. 

See you at work later -Negan

She couldn't help but smile faintly at the words, remembering the night very clearly. They'd gone from the couch to her bed so quickly. And there were marks all over her body to prove it. Numerous hickeys on her neck as she examined herself in the mirror after a quick shower. Blushing furiously at the red marks between her thighs too, as well as her breasts. Well at least most of it could be covered. 

Dressing in some dress slacks, a high neck blouse and threw on a thin scarf to help hide the marks. Especially since everyone at work new she was currently single. She was single right?   
She pondered this her entire way to work, biting on her lip anxiously seeing Negans motorcycle parked already. Hoping she'd get a chance to talk to him later about last night. Flashing a small smile to the office attendant as she went to the teachers lounge first, filling up her coffee cup. Sighing as she relished these few moments before class was to begin.   
Glancing down as Negan came in with one of the other coach's, the two laughing loudly at something. He not even looking at her as he filled his coffee cup up and left.   
He acted like she didn't even exist.   
Huffing she shook her head putting it off for now as she went to her class and began teaching for the day. Although she wanted to dwell on it, she couldn't. She had to stay focused. 

The day dragged unfortunately slowly for her. As the end of the day bell rang she was relieved, letting the students leave before she made her way down the halls to the gym.   
Seeing other kids leaving as she walked through them to get to Negans office. Knocking softly before walking in. 

"What the fuck do you want?" He uttered in an annoyed tone at first before looking up and seeing it was her. His expression softening ever so slightly though.  
"Oh hey.. " 

"Hey yourself.. " She muttered a bad feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. "You left this morning before... " She shrugged struggling to find the words. 

"Before it could become fucking awkward and you try to act all mushy with me. Because I don't fucking do pillow talk sweetheart. " He shrugged standing up now, sliding his jacket on.  
She looked at him utterly stunned, a frown forming on her lips as she crossed her arms. 

"Wait so it was just a..a one night stand? " She questioned slightly appalled at his behavior. It was a completely one eighty from the night before. 

"Well yeah. I fucked you and I left before you woke up. Because work relationships are way too fucking complicated. " He muttered looking down at her with a neutral expression. 

"You.. Then what the hell was all that talk about wanting to kiss me and make me happy and wanting to do this for me.. " Shaking her head she jabbed a finger at him. "....I should have fucking known.. You are a complete asshole! All you care about is yourself." 

He just took her words, not showing any signs of remorse for his own or actions. Shrugging again as he looked away so he wouldn't have to see her hurt expression. 

"Trust me it's a lot fucking easier this way. " He grunted walking past her and going down the hallway. Knowing this time she wouldn't follow him. Because he'd said the words women never wanted to hear.   
She watching him speechless as he walked away from her yet again. Knowing this time was harder because of the previous night.

Taking a deep breath she marched back to her classroom, gathering her things to go home for the day. Fighting the urge to break down and cry, especially not wanting to with other staff members around. Saying a few goodbyes as she left, walkimg briskly to her car and sitting in the drivers seat. Letting out a long sigh knowing she could break down soon.  
Hurrying home as quickly as she could, huffing as she went straight to her bedroom and ripped the sheets from the bed. Throwing them into the trashcan knowing it'd be easier that way. Forget about it. She tried telling herself over and over as she put fresh sheets on her bed then went to take a bath to try and relax. 

Plugging the tub as she dumped some bubble bath in it, the scent of strawberries hitting her nostrils. Pinning her hair up she then stripped off hwr work clothes. Tossing them into her hamper then sliding into the bathtub. Feeling utterly relaxed now. Hoping to forget about Negan for the time being. Until her phone rang minutes into her bath. Sighing she picked it up and looked at the missed call from her friend Ashton.   
She most certainly did not want the gossip session right now. So she shot her a quick text.

Not now girl. Long story short he only wanted sex. Got it and threw me aside. 

Hitting send knowing Ashton would probably try and call again. But right now she felt nothing could make her feel better. Not even Negan apologizing.


	11. Chapter 11

Negan knew he'd made Rachel mad, hell pissed beyond belief was more like it. But he couldn't get attached to another woman so soon. She was too good for him, he knew it'd just end badly if they tried to have a normal relationship. He deserved to be alone. 

He didn't speak to Rachel for a week, knowing she'd be pissed that long, if not longer. Busying himself with reorganizing the house, having taken down the forsale sign. Figuring a makeover would help him sleep better at night. Packing away all of Lucille's belongings and putting them in the garage. Out of sight out of mind. 

Turning the bedroom into his man cave. Repainting every inch of wall. The bedroom turning to the oceanaic blue while the other rooms turned grey. The feminine touches were gone, the prissy artwork on the walls and frilly decorative pillows on the couch. Replaced by a flannel blanket and motorcycle artwork adorning the walls. But he couldn't bring himself to entirely get rid of Lucille's items. The medicines long flushed down the toilet though. 

But the more he thought about it, he realized maybe he was being given a second chance. Maybe Rachel was a second chance for him. Hell she was even teaching in Lucille's old room.   
Maybe if he took it slow, and apologized profusely to her, things would work out between the two. 

As he went into work, it being a teacher workday. These days much more relaxed seeing as the students weren't around. Running a hand through his hair as he stopped outside Rachel's classroom, clearing his throat before walking in. Unable to hide his expression of pure excitement to see her.   
Her hair was pinned back into a messy bun, and the low cut purple blouse showed alot of skin. She was just as beautiful as ever. 

"Uh hey.. " He muttered softly, crossing his arms over his chest.   
Her eyes narrowed some as she set down the pen she was writing with. 

"Hey?!" Her voice was slightly shrill and irritated obviously. Biting her lip for a moment before she shook her head. 

"After all that. Not talking for a week.  A week. All I get is a hey?? " She huffed shaking her head still in utter shock at his lack of ability to talk to a woman. 

"Okay.. Okay.. " He huffed motioning with his hands for her to calm down.   
"I know I'm an asshole, and that's why I fucking said what I said. Because I sure as hell don't fucking deserve another woman. Especially one as fucking good and beautiful as you. I treated Lucille like shit and now I'm being fucking punished for it. So trust me, it is fucking best. " He warned her, knowing she probably would get heartbroken at some point if they tried a relationship.   
His words seemed to snap her out of her angry state for now, her expression softening as he mentioned his dead wife. 

"Negan...." She sighed heavily before standing up, smoothing her hands over her pants legs before walking over to him. Looking up with bright eyes, eyes full of compassion and sympathy.

"You are an asshole. I'll give you that. But people aren't punished like that for being mean to others. That's not how things work. " Flashing a small smile at him as she watched him, knowing he was probably trying to think of the most profane way to tell her she was wrong. 

"Well gee fucking thanks." He chuckled lowly at her words, knowing that was the only part she was right on. Him being a complete asshole. Scoffing he shook his head. 

"Sweetheart I've done so much fucking bad shit I deserve a fucking front row seat in the devils fucking audience. " He huffed again glancing down slightly ashamed at himself now. "I cheated on her alot. A hole fucking lot. Hell I couldn't even fucking tell you how many women. Then Lucille goes and gets cancer and fucking dies. So don't fucking tell me there isn't some karma shit at work against me alright? I've finally accepted it. "   
She honestly didn't know what to say to him. Just watching him silently for several seconds, then nodding. 

"Okay.. Okay.. You're an asshole who deserves it. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve to be happy too. Bad things happen all the time. We just.. Keep pushing on and get through them. And make new, happy memories. " Her smile grew a little at him, hoping he'd understand her and not chock off her sappy words. It took him several long, silent seconds to respond. But when he did it shocked them both. 

"Want to fucking try that not date again. Because I'd like to actually get to the fucking food this time around. " he couldn't help chuckle remembering the last time. And she did too, laughing softly as she hid her face in her hands. 

"Oh God would they even let us back in?? " She shook her head as she laughed but then nodded in response with a small smile.   
"I'd love to Negan. Say, five thirty? "

"Hell yeah. I'll see you there. Wear something sexy. " He winked at her, before turning to leave the room. Whistling as he walked down the hallway to his classroom. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------  
This time around Negan was even more nervous. Pacing around the outside of the restaurant, having already went inside speaking to the waiter about a table. And assuring him there wouldn't be any wine thrown this time around. He chuckled faintly at the memory however, now they could laugh at it. 

"What's so funny? " A voice shook him from the thoughts. Running a hand through his hair as he looked over. His jaw dropping as he saw Rachel standing there in a mid-thigh black dress. The straps crisscrossing over her shoulders, a sheer blue sash across her midsection. He didn't think she'd take him seriously about the attire. And here he was in just a button up shirt and dark jeans. 

"Uh remembering when you fucking threw the wine at me and holy shit I didn't think you'd take me seriously but hot fucking damn Rachel. " He grinned widely now as he recovered, his eyes going over her body.   
Her cheeks turned bright red but she smiled widely. 

"Well thank you. You look very handsome yourself. " Now it was his turn to be embarrassed, he couldn't remember the last time a woman called him handsome. His grin couldn't widen anymore, he leaned in holding a hand to her right cheek as he brushed his lips over hers tenderly. Thanking her with actions rather than words. Feeling her lips trembling a little as she kissed him back, he breaking it first. A smirk on his lips as he traced his index finger over her red cheek. 

"Come on I'm fucking hungry. Let's have fucking dinner.. Then dessert." He winked knowing she'd want it just as much as him. A soft laugh escaped her as they entered the restaurant. The meal going extremely more smoothly than the last time, oddly enough it was a normal date for them. Stories shared, laughs had and secrets told. Especially as more wine and beer was drank. A taxi being called for them as she gave them her address. Deep down knowing he wasn't ready for her to be in the house his wife had lived. 

Before they even got inside her apartment he began fondling her, groping her backside and muttering words of pure seduction in her ear. As soon as they were behind the closed door, her back was against it as he claimed her mouth with his. The taste of beer and wine mingling as he claimed her again. His large hand unzipping the dress and sliding it down her slender frame. A groan emitting from him as be saw she wore no bra but had lace panties on. 

"You were fucking ready. " He slurred, licking his lips as he began unbuttoning his own shirt. Panting as his eyes took in every inch of her body. 

"Maybe I was.. " She purred softly, kicking her heels off and the dress. Her chest rising and falling quickly in anticipation, pupils so wide there was only a thin hazel circle visible. He growled leaning in as he began nibbling at the base of her neck, causing her to moan softly in his ear. Feeling her hands curling in the lockes of his dark hair. With a grunt he lifted her up, allowing her to wrap her legs around his waist. Not lifting his head as he kissed her neck while carrying her to the bedroom. Smirking seeing the new sheets as he laid her down. 

"You're fucking gonna have to change these again in the morning.. " He uttered softly, nipping at her earlobe before kicking off his shoes and shimmying down his jeans. Letting them fall to the floor. Growling hungrily as he glanced down seeing her already wet panties. The thin fabric not useful for anything except this. Leaning down he grabbed the fabric with his teeth, ripping them instantly in his buzzed state. A squeal emitting from her as she giggled too. 

He looking up at her with a smirk before grinding against her, finding her lips again as he shoved his boxers down. Knowing she didn't need any foreplay as he entered her. A synchronized groan emitting from them both as her walls welcomed him. He shocked his sheer size didn't hurt her, but he didn't care either way. Finding a rhythm as he hiked one of her legs over his shoulder, grunting with each thrust he made into her. Knowing she'd be far more sore in the morning. The bed frame shaking hard against the wall, thank god she didn't have neighbors.  
His eyes fluttering shut as he felt himself swelling inside her, her love coating him not once but twice before he finally released inside of her. Feeling a weight off him as their sex mixed, dripping off their bodies onto the sheets. He sloppily kissed her lips before rolling off with a grunt, tugging her over to him to spoon.   
But little did he know, she couldn't help but think. 

I'm falling for him. 

Her expression more satisfied than his. Knowing she didn't want her weekends to be any different than this now.


	12. Chapter 12

Rachel woke up first the next morning, the sunlight peaking through her curtains and shining on the evidence of their night before.   
Opening her eyes she saw Negan tangled in the sheets still naked, her cheeks instantly turning red at the memory. A hand reaching up to touch her neck where there were numerous red whelps from his fevered kisses. Her core ached something fierce too, he'd been rougher than the last time.   
Add on the hangover she was fairly miserable but knew they both enjoyed it and needed it. 

Sitting up quietly she looked around at their clothes, smirking to herself as she took his under shirt and slid it on with her panties. The shirt hanging down to her knees and making her laugh softly. Walking to the kitchen she began brewing some coffee for them, watching the warm liquid drip into the pot. Making a mental note later to get some morning after pills just in case. She wanted kids but not now. And Negan probably didn't either. Not so soon after his wife's death. 

She shook those thoughts from her head as she poured the coffee into two mugs, remembering he took his black with a little sugar and cream.   
Walking carefully back to the bedroom as she sat the mugs on the nightstand, biting on her lip before she climbed over him, straddling him. Putting her hands on his chest.

"It's time to wake up Coach Negan. " She uttered softly trying to sound sexy but failed as she began laughing at herself. Especially when he grumbled, opening his eyes to look at her. A small smirk forming on his lips. 

"You stole my fucking shirt.  " He mutters running a hand up her arm, to her neck where he ran his thumb over his marks. Grinning like a fool now seeing the damage he'd done to her. Her lips were still puffy from their kisses, hair a wild mess, and thighs red from pleasure. Chuckling lowly he rubbed her cheek, smelling the sweet aroma of the coffee. 

"Coffee? Aren't you fucking sweet. I give you mind blowing sex and I wake up with you on top of me and coffee. I fucking like it. " He winked sitting up some and pecking her lips quickly before grabbing the mug and taking a sip. Sighing heavily as it warmed him up and helped wake him up some more. Instantly feeling the effects of the numerous beers he'd had at dinner. 

"Fuck.." He grumbled rubbing his forehead now. "Got any fucking Tylenol? " 

"Yeah. I'll go get it. " She smiled lightly at him, getting off the bed and walking to her bathroom, opening the small cabinet. Grabbing the bottle of pills and shaking two into her hand for him. Going back and passing them to him as she sat down with her mug of coffee. 

"Thanks.. " He mumbled, putting them in his mouth and chasing with a swig of coffee. Glancing at her now with a small smirk, knowing that was probably the most rough sex she'd ever had. She seemed so innocent and fragile he was surprised she could even walk right now. 

"What? " She muttered seeing the way he was staring at her, raising an eyebrow as she held the warm mug in her hands. 

"Just fucking wondering why you've never been fucked like that before. You're fucking gorgeous and nice. " He shrugged knowing his ccompliments were odd and profane but nonetheless he meant it.   
"But damn your body is.. " He just groaned in response, running a hand through his hair. Seeing her blush at his words now just made him chuckle. 

"The last guy I dated, he didn't believe in sex before marriage so that was really boring. Before that he was gentle, like he thought I'd break. " She uttered softly, kind of feeling awkward at talking about her past partners. Glancing at him worried he might think too much of it, but he just shrugged. 

"Sex is fucking amazing and well what we're fucking made for so.. " He smirked grabbing his boxers and sliding them on before going to the bathroom. She just rolled her eyes and laughed, but the sound of someone knocking on her door shook her from the thoughts. Raising an eyebrow as she walked to the living room and peered through the peephole. Then opening it and smiling widely seeing her friend Ashton.

"Ash! " She squealed happily embracing her friend tightly in the doorway. Tugging her inside then shutting the door. 

"You're just waking up?! Did you forget about our shopping day! " Ashton sighed dramatically but smiled anyways. Raising an eyebrow as she heard the toilet flushing. Her smile turning into a wide grin.

"Oh I seeeeeee... " Nudging Rachel now, just as Negan walked from the bedroom with the coffee mug in hand. He smirked seeing the two ladies especially as Rachel blushed deep red.

"Threesome? " he teased setting his mug down in her kitchen before walking back to the bedroom. The girls not taking their eyes off him, Rachel still red as a lobster while Ashton smacked her arm. 

"Oh my God girl. I need details as soon as he leaves.." Keeping her voice low and not five minutes later did Negan come back from the bedroom dressed now. Smirking as he walked to Rachels side tugging at the shirt. 

"I want that back some fucking time.." Winking at her before flashing a grin at Ashton then quietly leaving the apartment. As soon as he had left they both squeled. 

"He's so amazing Ash oh my God.. The sex was mind blowing! " With a sigh she flopped down on the couch. 

"Oh my God.. Are you two seeing each other now? " Ashton uttered sitting down seeming entirely giggly at this information. 

"I don't know.. I mean last night was the first official date really. Second time we've slept together. ." She mumbled blushing as she remembered that night.   
"We haven't really talked and he hasn't asked anything.. " She shrugged but Ashton rolled her eyes. 

"Rachel.. The way he was looking at you. I wish some guy would look at me like that." She sighed happily then grinned mischievously. "...So how big is his... " Gesturing to her groin. 

"Oh my God! " Rachel laughed loudly shaking her head playfully hitting her friend. Thankful she hadn't yet admitted aloud that she was falling for him.


	13. Chapter 13

It had been nearly a month since their official first date. And Negan couldn't believe she still wanted to put up with him. Always inviting him over to have simple dates. Whether it was dinner, movie or just sex. Which there was alot of that. Not being ready to let her in his house yet. And neither of them brought that up. Which was a good thing. Most people knew at school that they were seeing each other to say the least. But it want anything serious to him. But to her it was everything.

The end of the first quarter of school was nearing an end which meant numerous amounts of paperwork and computer work for them. And Negan absolutely hated it, and took it out on her at her apartment. Thankfully she had numerous scarves and makeup to cover the bite marks. 

"Alright kids two more laps then take a ten. Then start the basketball drills!" He shouted to them blowing the whistle to signal it. Hands crossed over his chest as he glanced out the windows seeing an ambulance whizzing by. Through the parking lot of the school. The students stopped to watch as well before he waved his hand at them. 

"Back to the running.. It's none of your business.. " He grumbled walking to the door that lead to the hallway now. Wondering what was going on, seeing some teachers going down to the English hallway. Seeing another coach pass he stopped them. 

"What the fucks going on? " he muttered.

"It's Miss Stevens, she collapsed during a lecture.. "

Before he'd even finished the sentence Negan was sprinting down the hallways to her classroom. His eyes widening with worry as he saw the paramedics enter the room. Shoving the other teachers and students out of the way. Swallowing hard as he saw Rachel sitting in the floor beside her desk holding her stomach. Clearly in alot of pain by the way she groaned and the tears streaming down her cheeks. 

"What the fuck happened? " He made his way into the room looking at her with worry as the paramedics quickly helped her onto stretcher. 

"Could possibly be appendicitis. We won't know--" The paramedic stopped midsentence as Rachel stood, the bright red blood running down her thighs. "This is ambo forty two. Possible miscarriage, alert county hospital. " 

Negan felt himself tremble some, his hands clenched into fists at his sides as he saw Rachel so vulnerable. And he couldn't do anything. But as the paramedic spoke about what could possibly be wrong with her he became numb. She couldn't be pregnant. She would have told him. Right? 

"It's gonna be okay.. " He finally mumbled as he walked along the stretcher with them, his expression blank as they loaded her into the ambulance. 

"I'll follow on my bike. " He uttered receiving a nod from the medic. As soon as the ambulance doors slammed shut he jogged over to his parked Harley. Turning the key and revving the engine before speeding off behind the ambulance. His jaw clenched as he drove, riding the ambulances back side the entire way. Not wanting them to be out of his sight. Not allowing any other thought other than Rachel to enter his mind.   
Bitter tears stinging his eyes unfortunately as he drove. Having forgotten his helmet.  
As the ambulance pulled into the emergency entrance he parked jumping off as he ran inside pushing aside anyone who tried to stop him. 

"That's my fucking girl friend so fucking help me.. " He growled, nurses and others immediately moving from his path. Seeing a doctor immediately come to the examination room where she was lying on the bed. A nurse wheeling in the ultrasound machine as they attached her to an IV and various other wires. His heart pounding remembering Lucille's last days. Being buried beneath mounds of life saving wires. 

"Alright let's see what we have here.. " The doctor ran the wand over her abdomen, and his expression fell. Shaking his head as he looked to the nurse. "Prep her for surgery. We need to get this bleeding stopped or we lose the mother too.. Call Dr Mcbride for fetal extraction. "   
The doctor looked over his shoulder at Negan frowning slightly "Sir you need to go to the waiting room. We'll update you as soon as possible.. "  
He just nodded slowly watching helplessly as they wheeled the bed down the hall to another door. He and Rachel sharing a look of utter fear and anxiety. He just stood there not moving for a moment before he finally asked a nurse.

"Uh.. Where's the fucking waiting room..? " He muttered lowly feeling utterly shocked.

"Down the hall and to the left sir. " She uttered softly pointing as he began walking. Slowly walking down the all too familiar hallway, remembering painfully waiting in the same area when Lucille had her treatments and surgeries. The plastic chairs cold and unwelcoming. The smell of stale coffee from the vending machine. His phone buzzing in his pocket but he ignored it for now. Not wanting to talk to anyone. 

Rachel was pregnant and he didn't know. Did she even know? 

\-----------------------------------------------------------  
"Sir? " A nurse stepped into the waiting area, her scrubs slightly dirty. It had been several hours since they'd arrived at the hospital. 

"Yes.. Yes where the fuck is she? " He stood up looking at the nurse, frowning at the smeared blood on her scrubs.

"Follow me. " The nurse motioned with her hand, walking down the white hallway. His heart pounding in his ears as he walked behind her. 

"The doctor will explain things sir. " She uttered opening the door of the patient room. Seeing Rachel on the bed with all the wires and slightly paled skin made him want to turn and leave. She looked exactly like Lucille. But he needed to forget about the past. Nodding slowly as he walked in seeing the doctor checking the bandages on her abdomen. He glanced over at Negan now with a solemn expression. 

"I'm sorry for this sir. The fetus was five weeks. The placenta ruptured and caused the bleeding. We repaired everything, she will be able to conceive again. But given time. She won't be able to have intercourse for at least a month. " The doctor covered her with the blanket, checking her vitals before leaving quietly. 

Negan stood at the end of the hospital bed, staring down at Rachel in shock. She had been pregnant. With his child. Swallowing hard he pulled a chair to be beside her bed, sitting down as he took her hand. Rubbing his thumb over the back of it. Knowing she needed someone to be with her now. And he wasn't going to leave her. Not now. He wouldn't abandon her like he did Lucille. 

It seemed like an eternity before he felt her hand moving in his. Raising an eyebrow as he looked at her. Waiting for her to get her bearings as she blinked several times, fighting the grogginess. Finally her eyes found his as fresh tears welled up in her hazel eyes. 

"I'm sorry. I.. I was going to tell you.. Today actually.. But.. I'm sorry.. " 

"Don't be sorry.. I can't fucking have kids.. It's my fault.. " He hung his head now as he squeezed her hand. Knowing he'd never have a child of his own.


	14. Chapter 14

Rachel had it planned out. After school she was going to invite Negan over for dinner and break the news. Having taken two at home tests the day before. She was scared at his reaction, what girl wouldn't be? But she knew he'd probably be thrilled. 

But as the pains began she knew something was wrong. As she collapsed she knew it was all over. The paramedics words and Negan's expression making her feel like she'd fallen and would never get back up.   
The ambulance ride to the hospital was quick, she barely remembered it. Hell she barely remembered when they took her into the hospital and began examining her.

All she knew was that her baby was dead. And there wasn't anything she could do to help. 

The last thing she remembered was the anesthesiaolgist putting the clear mask over her nose and mouth. Taking a deep breath before her vision blurred and she succumbed to the darkness.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------  
Rachel paced around her apartment anxiously, still in her clothes she'd worn to work. Although she'd let her hair down now. Dinner was on the table as she waited for Negan. The little gift bag ready for him, the two positive tests wrapped in tissue paper. 

As she heard him knocking she grinned, walking over to the door and pulling it open. Immediately pulling him in for a delicate kiss. Her eyes gleaming with pure joy. 

"Woah.. Missed you too." He winked at her as he walked inside. Inhaling deeply at the aroma of the food she'd prepared. Simple spaghetti and meatballs. 

"You know the way to my fucking heart. " He chuckled sitting down, raising an eyebrow at the gift bag. Wondering if she'd surprise him with some new lingerie or something. Smirking he sipped on the wine she'd fixed for him. But she didn't have any. 

"So.. I have a surprise for you.. " She muttered softly almost timidly as she walked over. Sliding the bag to him as she stood there watching him anxiously.

"What the fuck is it? Is it some new lingerie? " He grinned reaching into the bag and taking out the two items wrapped in the tissue paper. Furrowing his brow as he shook it and the tests landed on the table. Blinking quickly as he picked them up, looking at the pink positive signs. It taking some moments for him to process it. 

"Holy shit you're pregnant?! " he finally spoke, his voice rising some octaves as his eyes searched hers. Wondering if this was real, or some crazy dream he was having. 

"Yes.. Yes. We're pregnant! " She was bursting with excitement as she bounced on the balls of her feet.   
He just grinned widely, standing up as he swept her up into his arms, spinning her around as he pressed kisses along her jawline and cheeks. 

"We're having a fucking baby! " He jeered. Feeling on top of the world. Like nothing could bring him down.   
\-----------------------------------------------------------

"Lucille had three fucking miscarriages through our fucking excuse for a marriage.. " He mumbled sipping on the waiting room coffee. Explaining to Rachel now why she'd lost the baby. Why he'd never be able to have children of his own. 

"It's not your parts it's my fucking messed up parts. Fuck I should have been more fucking careful. " He huffed leaning his head back and closing his eyes. Waiting for her to say anything, all she'd done was cry softly as he spoke the last half hour. 

"Doc said its my fucking sperm. They don't have the right genes or some shit. " He muttered shaking his head. Not really understanding the science of it. But all it came down to was he couldn't have a child. 

"Hey.. " She finally spoke, reaching over to gently touch his hand.   
"You didn't know.. I didn't even know til yesterday. I took some tests yesterday... Don't blame you--.. "

"How can I not fucking blame myself when it is exactly my fucking fault?? " He unintentionally snapped at her. Making her eyes well up with more tears. Huffing in annoyance he shook his head.   
"...shit I'm sorry.. Don't.. Don't fucking cry... Doc said there wasn't anything to do for the baby.. He had to save you.." He swallowed hard looking at her with the most vulnerable expression he'd ever let her see. 

"And I wouldn't have fucking wanted it any other way. I'm fucking sorry but there's only one of you. You can fucking have kids anytime you fucking want. " He braced himself for the shitstorm he'd probably get from her. Basically telling her that babies could he made anytime but he didn't want to lose her. Her expression broke his heart and there wasn't anything he could do about it. 

"Just one of me huh? Well.. " She swallowed hard wiping at her eyes with another tissue then throwing it angrily at him.   
"Why didn't you tell me you couldn't have kids?!" 

"We never fucking talked about it. I thought we were fucking taking things slow! Having a fucking kid isn't going fucking slow. " He grunted shifting his weight in the small chair. 

"Yeah we were but that doesn't give me the right to have an abortion! That's just.. Is that what you're saying??" He didn't respond for a moment, glancing down as he rubbed his forehead before looking back at her. 

"Yeah that would have been alot fucking easier on you. Take one goddamned pill and it's over. But now you fucking had to have surgery and shit.. " He glanced away now, jaw set tight as his own eyes began welling up with the emotions.   
"I'd rather have paid for that shit and bought some goddamned condoms than see you fucking suffering right now. I'm sorry. " He uttered once more before tossing the cup into the trash can. Taking a deep breath as he reached for her hands, giving them a squeeze as he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"You're gonna be just fucking fine. I'm not fucking going anywhere either. I've fucked up and I'm gonna fucking make sure you're alright. I fucking promise. " He uttered softly, seeing her ever so slowly relax at his words.   
Thankful when she flashed a faint smile at him in response. 

"I know you will. I know." She uttered softly, her eyes seeming heavy from all the crying as well as the medications. 

"Get some more fucking rest. I need to go fucking make some calls. " He pressed a kiss to her cheek, tasting the salty tears before standing up and walking quietly from the room.   
Slowly walking down the all too familiar hallways, going outside for some fresh air as he pulled his cellphone out. 

Calling Arnold first then, using her phone calling Ashton. Knowing she'd probably need her best friend right now. After them he scrolled through her contacts, frowning as he saw the numbers for her mother and father.   
Shaking his head as he stuck the phones back on his pocket and went back inside. Unfortunately passing the nursery, seeing the newborn babies in their own bassinets.   
Stopping he looked at them, they all seemed so precious and innocent.  
A twinge of jealousy sparked seeing a man picking up a baby girl, wishing that would be him right now. But it'd never be. Not in this lifetime.


	15. Chapter 15

Negan kept to his promise. As soon as Rachel was released from the hospital he never left her side. Taking time off of work too, forgetting about himself for the time being and devoting it to her. Knowing he wouldn't get a second chance again, he had to make things good between them.   
Bringing her flowers on occasion, cooking dinner. Well attempting to cook, mostly ordering take out or pizza. The weeks after her miscarriage were difficult but he didn't give up. He grew frustrated many times but stuck with her. 

Unintentionally falling in love with her. 

And it scared him tremendously. He was pretty much living with her now. Some of his own clothes in her bedroom. But never talk about her going to his house. And they never brought it up. His toothbrush beside hers and his shoes by the door.

With Thanksgiving coming up they were getting ready for her parents to come over. And they were in high spirits. It had been almost a month since their miscarriage and they were ready for new beginnings. The holidays striking cheer and gratitude.

Seeing Rachel so spirited and excited flitting around the kitchen cooking made him smile. Helping her the best he could, mostly just stirring and fixing drinks ahead of time. Especially seeing the dress she wore. A knee length garnet red, long sleeve dress. His button up shirt and slacks were put to shame but her appearance. She looked absolutely stunning. 

"Hey.. " He wrapped his arms around her from behind as she set the turkey on the stove. 

"Mhm?" She smiled lightly over her shoulder at him.

"You're fucking amazing. You know that right? " He pressed a kiss to her cheek causing her to blush. 

"I try my best. I hope everything is good. This is my first time cooking a turkey. I've had roommates before whose done it or I've just bought a fried one from Bojangles. " She couldn't help laugh at herself. He laughing too as he shook his head. 

"I'm sure it's all fucking amazing. A lot better than if I'd tried cooking. " He winked before stepping back as he heard a knock on her door. A sense of anxiety settling in the pit of his stomach. He'd only been with Rachel about two months and he was about to meet her parents. 

"They're here! " She squealed in excitement now, but immediately sensed his worry. Putting her hands on his face as she reassured him. 

"Hey, they're going to absolutely love you. " She stole a quick kiss before walking over to the door. Opening it and being enveloped in a hug by her mother first then her father.   
He immediately seeing where she got her looks from, her hair from her father, and most of her facial features from her mother. Taking a deep breath he ran a hand through his slicked back hair and walked over. Smirking as he offered a hand. 

"Mr and Mrs Stevens. Nice to fucking met you. " He didn't hold back, knowing if they didn't like him for who he was, there wasn't any point in being something he wasn't. Their expressions rather humorous at his profanity. But her mother smiled kindly shaking his hand first. 

"Please call me Trish. Rachel's talked about you alot. I'm glad she's found someone she can trust. " Her smile mimicked Rachel's. He then turning to her father who had a stern expression before offering a faint smile. Shaking his hand. 

"Call me Robert. I trust you've been taking care of my little girl? " 

"Yes. Made sure she's ate her fucking vegetables and gotten eight hours of sleep every night. " He grinned looping an arm around Rachel's waist causing her to blush again. Which made him grin even wider. Immediately sensing Rachel needed the attention more than him. 

"Well come on in. She's been fucking slaving all morning over the food. Wouldn't even fucking let me lick the spoons." He felt relieved when Trish and Robert let out laughs at his humor now. Maybe this wouldn't be so awkward as he thought. He tugged Rachel along now to the table, pulling the chair out for her then sitting down beside her. 

"Shall we say grace? " Trish questioned glancing at Negan.

"Uh.. I don't fucking care. " He shrugged, but nodded as they all joined hands and bowed their heads. 

"Dear lord we thank you for this wonderful food we're about to receive. Bless us as we continue to fulfill our lives in your name. Amen. " Robert uttered softly. 

"Amen. " They all said in unison, Negans more softer than others. 

"Let's eat. " Negan grinned licking his lips as he began scooping food onto his plate. Passing around the others.

"So you teach at the same school as Rachel? " Trish broke the ice with the first of many questions.

"Yeah I've been a fucking teacher for several fucking years now. Gym teacher and ping pong coach. " He muttered between bites of food already, sipping on his wine. 

"Ah I see. " Trish uttered softly as she delicately began eating. 

"What about you guys? " He questioned, raising an eyebrow at her parents. 

"Trish is a district manager for Macy's and I'm the CEO in a insurance company. We deal in nursing homes and assisted living. As well as those dealing with cancer. " Robert shrugged not knowing that would affect him. 

"Cool. " Negan uttered gruffly as he gulped down some wine to calm his nerves. Shooting a glance at Rachel who sensed his nervousness. 

"Mom, dad, Negan lost his wife to cancer just a few months ago. Try not to--"

"So this is a rebound relationship? Because sweetie I don't think this will help. First your brother died, now you're shacking up with this widow? And you were pregnant but lost it. " Trish shook her head slightly dissapointed. 

Negan and Rachel sat stunned at her words now. He swallowed hard, wiping his mouth and spoke in response first. 

"Rachel fucking helped me in a damned bad time. And it's my fucking fault she had a miscarriage. I can't fucking have kids so hope you two don't want fucking grandkids. And if it's a fucking problem that I love your daughter then there's the fucking door. " Negan uttered in a rush. Not even relaxing he said aloud that he loved Rachel. Not until he glanced at her seeing her pink cheeks and surprised expression. 

"Really? You really?.." She uttered softly putting a hand over her heart. Tears welling up in her eyes as she leaned over giving him a quick kiss on the lips.   
"I love you too.. " She uttered softly leaning into him for a moment before her parents let out a sigh of relief in unison. 

"Thank God! We thought.. Oh sweetie.. We thought you'd never be able to love. After your brother died, how much you loved him, we never thought you'd let a man love you the way you deserve. But.. Oh sweetie.. " Trish sighed happily nodding approvingly. Robert nodding as well with a satisfied smile of his own. 

"Wait.. What the fuck just happened?" Negan frowned slightly confused as Rachel laughed in his ear. 

"They like you babe." She smiled widely at him. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------  
"Negan mind if we talk for a moment?" Robert came up to him as Trish and Rachel were standing at the window watching the sun set. 

"Sure what's on your fucking mind?" He uttered in slight confusion and worry. 

"Rachel told me about your wife. And the amount of bills it left to you. So here. " He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope.   
"Call this number and tell them Robert Stevens recommended you. They'll take care of things. Get it where you can manage it. " 

Negan took the envelope and blinked shocked several times, feeling utterly dumbfounded at this act of kindness. 

"Holy shit..." He mutters shaking his head before firmly shaking Roberts hand. "Thank you so fucking much Sir. This means a fucking lot. " He grinned glancing at Rachel now who mouthed. 

I love you. 

He just grinned wider now, winking as he mouthed.

I love you too.


	16. Chapter 16

"Fucking fuck. There's still fucking leftovers.. " Negan muttered to himself as he slammed the refrigerator door shut. Grunting as his stomach growled in protest. Picking up his cellphone from the counter and dialing for the pizza palace. 

"Yeah I want to get a large meat lovers and some bread sticks. Delivery to apartment three oh seven in BriarRidge apartments. Awesome thanks. " Hitting the end call button as he laid the phone down. Looking up as Rachel came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a bathrobe with her hair up. He just grinned walking over and putting his arms around her slender waist. 

"I ordered pizza because I don't want to fucking see turkey for another damned year. You're a damned good cook but you went a bit overboard babe. " She laughed in unison with him, nodding. 

"Yeah.. I suppose I did.. Sorry. I just wanted to make sure it was good. " She shrugged as she leaned up on her tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek. 

"I was thinking. And if it's okay with you..... " She uttered reaching her hands to play with the collar of his shirt. He raised an eyebrow but continued to smirk at her.

"What's on your fucking mind? "

"Well.. For winter break. We get two whole weeks off. Why don't we take a mini vacation? Just us. Go somewhere warmer for a few days. " Her eyes lit up at the thought. Imagining her and Negan running down the warm beach in Florida together. Showing off her body to him proudly. 

"I've got points saved for tickets. I'll get tickets and you can get the hotel. That sound fair?" She practically was bouncing on the balls of her feet as she waited for him to answer. Frowning as he seemed lost in thought and unimpressed by her offer. But he quickly grinned pulling her off her feet and spinning her around. 

"Beach with my fucking gorgeous girl? Hell yeah! Let me go find my speedos and lotions. " Winking as he pressed a firm kiss to her lips, feeling her legs go around his waist as they shared this moment.   
Things were going good for them since Thanksgiving. His admission to loving her was something they both needed. Making the other feel even more wanted and appreciated.  
He chuckled as she put her hands on the sides of his face as they kissed. He breaking it first as he sat her on the kitchen counter. Hands moving down to her hips. 

"You're fucking something else Rachel. I love it. I love you. " He muttered softly, leaning in to rest his forehead against hers. Closing his eyes as he relished in this moment. Thankful for these new memories he was creating with her. Everything else had been forgotten for now. 

"I love you too ." She uttered softly in response. Smiling brightly as she ran her hands through his short hair.   
"You're so sweet to me. But also so intimidating. Like a big teddy bear. " She couldn't help giggle at the way she described him. 

"A fucking bear huh? " A grin stretched from ear to ear now as he leaned back, making a low growl before leaning back in to nibble at her neck. "...And this fucking bear is hungry then. "

"Well.. T-The pizza.. " She sighed heavily feeling her skin tingling from his touch and the light scruff over his chin. Biting down on her lip as she let herself relax for a moment. Knowing there'd be a fresh hickey but it didn't bother her. Most of the time she proudly showed them off. 

"...Can't fucking satisfy Negan Jr." He chuckled nibbling on her earlobe before pulling himself upright and winking at her. Before grabbing his wallet off the counter and taking the cash out for the pizza.

"Don't fucking let me forget to call your dad and thank him. About the insurance shit. I've got the fucking bills down to ten grand. I can pay that off quicker than the whole fucking load. I owe him." His voice was soft as he spoke, looking at her with adoration although he mentioned the bills concerning his dead wife.   
She just sighed, and nodded with a bright smile. 

"And he'll just say it wasn't a problem for the man who's making his daughter happy. You do seem less tense. I'm glad it's worked out. " She got down from the counter and walked over, kissing his cheek before she began to the bedroom to put some clothes on. He chuckled nodding slowly as he rubbed his chin, wondering if she wanted him to shave or not. Shrugging it off as he heard a knock on the door. Whistling as he walked over to open it. Expecting the pizza delivery guy but instead there stood a stranger. 

￼

 

He flashed a half smile. Hands shoved in his pockets. Army dog tags dangled from his neck and rested on his dark clad chest. 

"Hey is Rachel here? " He questioned curiously, seeming to wonder why a man answered the door. Was he at the wrong apartment? 

"Maybe. Why? Who's fucking asking?" Negan frowned crossing his arms over his chest, hearing Rachel from behind him. 

"Oh my God. Sammy! " She squealed running over in excitement, her eyes wide with happiness. 

"Hey Rach ." Sammy grinned, moving inside the apartment some, arms wide open to greet her. As she leaned up practically jumping into his arms.   
Jealousy immediately rearing it's ugly head as Negan just watched unsure of what was going on. 

"Okay what the acutual fuck is going on? " He frowned looking between the two. Not liking how his girlfriend was hugging this complete stranger. 

"Oh.. Oh.. " She laughed softly untangling her arms from Sammy. Standing between the two men.   
"Sammy this is Negan. Negan this is Sammy.. He was my brothers spotter. And well.." 

"We dated for two years. She's just too embarrassed to admit it she missed out on all this ." Sammy smirked winking at her. 

"Yeah.. We dated and.. We still keep in touch. We were friends even before he joined the army.. " She smiled seeming on top of the world at seeing her old friend. But Negans sour expression made her sigh.

"What is it? " Crossing her arms over her chest as she waited for an answer. 

"I was expecting fucking pizza. Not your goddamned ex-boyfriend." He grunted shaking his head as he turned and walked to the living room. Knowing things wouldn't be so happy and content for them. Exes usually didn't stay on good terms with each other unless they had some deep connections. 

"Shit.. " He muttered sitting down on the couch. 

What had he gotten into?


	17. Chapter 17

"I'm fucking going out.. " Negan muttered softly as he grabbed his keys from the counter. Having put his shoes and leather jacket on already. Just needing some space from her to get his head around things. 

"Wait Negan.. " Rachel sighed heavily walking over to him and giving him a pleading expression.   
"I haven't seen him in years. We've kept in touch but I haven't seen him. There's nothing to worr-.. "

"I said I'm fucking going out so that's what I'm fucking doing.. " He grunted shaking his head as he left the apartment, practically knocking over the pizza delivery guy. Hunching his shoulders as he shoved his hands in his pockets. Taking the stairs to help relieve some of the anger he had building up within him. Walking briskly from the apartment building and to his parked motorcycle. Feeling a sense of relief hearing the engine roaring to life as he revved it before speeding off. 

The cold wind whipping against his skin as he flew down the highway. Just wanting to get away. Get his thoughts together. Why did it seem like everything in his life was so coldly ripped away from him? First Lucille now Rachel. Hell did he even have a chance with Rachel anymore? Why would she want to be with a pathetic high school gym teacher when she could be with the other guy? 

Negan found himself at his favorite bar. His watering hole. Parking along side some other bikes out front before climbing off. Running a hand over his winded face before walking in. The warm air and loud music settling him slightly. Several men from around the pool tables shouted and waved at him as he walked over to the bar and took a seat. Sighing heavily as he motioned for the bartender.

"Give me a fucking glass of Jack. No ice. " He huffed pulling out his wallet and laying a twenty down on the bar.   
Things had went from bad to worse with him and Rachel. How could he have thought that she was his second chance? Not with the competition now. Shaking his head as he gulped down the whiskey and nodded for another one. The music and talk around him not phasing him at all. It just seemed to make time blur as he drank away the sorrows and anger. Willing away all the emotions now for the Rachel and any one else. He didn't need anyone. Half the time he was on his own anyways. Happy endings were just a myth. 

Two glasses turned to four then six, finally stopping at eight. The bartender graciously calling him a cab. Stumbling out to it with a drunken smirk. Knowing when he got back to the apartment he'd give Rachel and earful about their relationship. Leaning back into the seat of the cab as he mumbled off the address. The street lights blurring as they whizzed by, the cab driver talking absentmindedly but nothing registered. Not even the pick up truck running a red light and ramming directly into the right side of the cab. 

The sirens wailing and various voices talking as Negan faded in and out of consciousness. Was that blood? He lifted his right hand in front of his face. Something red and sticky was covering his hand and sleeve. And something smelled like it was burning. The air was thick and smokey as he coughed, feeling his chest burning too. Feeling someone touching his neck before he blacked out once more. 

Negan absolutely hated hospitals. From his own father being in multiple times for drunken fights, to Lucille having her chemotherapy treatment and most recently Rachel recovering from her miscarriage. The white walls and plastic chairs made the entire place seem far too eerie. It seemed impossible to get comfortable anywhere. Even the bathrooms were sheer white and perfect. Perfect.   
Nothing was perfect. So why should the hospitals be perfect? Yeah sick people were there and cleanliness kept others from getting sick. But if they world was perfect, people wouldn't get sick or hurt in the first place. 

Negan also hated the lights. How blinding bright they were. Even at night it seemed the hospital was aglow and rest seemed inevitable.   
Especially now. With a low groan emitting from his throat, his eyes opened slowly then quickly shut from the blinding lights on above him. Their luminescent humming the only sound other than the monitors beeping. Gritting his teeth before he slowly opened his eyes again. Squinting them until they adjusted to the light. What the hell was he doing in a hospital bed?   
Huffing he lifted his head slightly glancing down at himself. Wearing one of those god awful gowns. Wires sticking from his arm. Numerous bandages and a soft cast encased his right arm. Huffing he then felt the burning in his chest. Slamming a fist into the bed as he muttered under his breath. "Son of a bitch.. " 

Things slowly began coming back to him. He'd gone to a bar, gotten drunk then left. But he didn't drive right? Some fear crept in at the worrisome thoughts of a DUI on his record now.   
But before he let his mind wander anymore there was a knock on the door and the doctor came inside. A small smile on his face as he stopped at the end of the bed. Laying the clipboard down. 

"Good to see you awake Negan. I'm Doctor smith. I'm afraid you were in a car accident. You have some broken ribs, a fractured wrist, and some mild lacerations. But other than that you're fine. You're lucky, they said the pick up truck ran right into the side you were on. I guess you've got a guardian angel.. Now let me have a look at some things and you can get some more rest.. " The doctor moved over to wash his hands and dawn gloves before moving over to inspect the cuts and bruises. Checking his vitals as well. Negan sighed, chuckling faintly at the doctors words about a guardian angel.   
"I don't fucking believe in that shit doctor. Trust me.. " He huffed feeling the doctors cold hands prodding his sides.   
"Well not everyone does. Oh and there is a young woman, Rachel Stevens, waiting outside. Are you up for a visitor?" Doctor Smith questioned deeming Negans injuries alright for now, as he jotted some things down on the clipboard.   
Negan frowned slightly but then nodded once before rubbing his face. 

Leaning back as he waited. Hearing the door open and soft footsteps come over to the bed. "I'm fine.. I'm fine.. Stop freaking out.. I know you are.. "


	18. Chapter 18

As Negan stormed out of the apartment leaving her and the pizza delivery guy in slight shock, Rachel sighed. Passing the money to him and taking the food and setting it on the counter. All the while Sammy had been quiet out of the way. Seeing as they were alone now he spoke up. 

"That guy seems like a dick. Automatically thinks you're cheating when I show up? " Sammy scoffed walking over and grabbing a slice of pizza. Rachel shook her head as she sat down. 

"He has a bad temper. He's a really nice guy and we've been through, some shit together. He's just has some baggage. Remember what it's like? " She frowned slightly knowing Sammy and her brother had been near inseparable. It showing as he stiffened and set the pizza down. 

"Look Rach, that wasn't.. Isn't the same. Don't compare me to mister storm off like a damned child. Okay? "   
He sighed shaking his head as he picked up the pizza and began walking to the door. "I'm staying at my folks place, until I get settled. Maybe find myself an apartment or something. I'll see you around. " With that he let himself out. Leaving Rachel alone to her thoughts. 

Feeling utterly ridiculous she settled on eating alone. Pouring herself a glass of wine and watching some reruns on television. Texting Negan once but knew he probably needed to cool off. He was probably sitting at some bar drinking away. But she tried not to worry for now. 

Until her cell phone ringing woke her up at four a.m. Groggily answering as she questioned the sanity of whoever was calling.

"Yes is this Miss Rachel Stevens? " The authoritative voice and serious tone quickly woke her up as she sat up in bed. 

"Yes this is she.. " Her response was quick and short, already standing up from bed as she felt that bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

"I'm sorry to inform you but Negan has been in a car accident. He is being transported to county general right now." She felt her heart sink and begin racing at the same time. Hurrying to pull on her jeans and sneakers as she stayed on the line. 

"O-Okay.. I'll.. I'll be there.. " With that she hung up and slid on a sweater, grabbed her purse then rushed from the apartment. Fighting the tears that threatened to spill over as she got into her car and sped down the road towards town. Why hadn't she stopped him earlier? Why did she let him leave like that? What if that was last time she would see him alive and well? What if those were the last words they'd have said to each other?   
All those thoughts swirled angrily through her tormented mind as she flew into the emergency room parking lot. Her eyes wide and fearful as she went inside and up to the desk. 

"Negan.. Negan Costello.. " She uttered his name as she heard more sirens wailing outside. Nurses and doctors gathering at the door waiting. Paramedics rushing inside with a man on a stretcher. 

"Male driver. Ran a red light and hit a cab, wasn't wearing a seatbelt possible trauma to the head and abdomen. We found bottles in the floorboard.. " Their hurried voices rushed past her to an enclosed room. 

"He's going to be in room seven forty five. They have him in X-ray right now. You can have a seat in the waiting area and I'll let the doctor know to keep you posted. " 

"Thank you.. " She uttered to the nurse making her way to the stairwell quickly going up to the seventh floor. Finding the eerily empty waiting area and sitting down. The clock ticking away on the white wall as she waited for what seemed like an eternity.  
A male doctor approaching her after an hour, he extending his hand for a proper introduction. 

"Rachel Stevens? I'm Doctor Smith. Negan is doing fine. He's still unconscious but that is due to the medicines we gave him for pain. He was in the back seat of a cab when it was hit. He's got some broken ribs, a fractured wrist and some minor cuts and bruises. I'd like to keep him overnight for observation. When he wakes up I'll see if he's up for visitors." He nodded before walking off to tend to other matters. She then sat back down covering her face with her hands as some tears finally escaped. And a soft laugh. Of course. She knew Negan, a little car accident wouldn't do him in. He was tough. They both were. And here she was. Waiting again. 

She had drifted off to sleep when she felt the doctor shaking her shoulder.   
"Miss Stevens? Negan is awake and ready to see you. " 

"Oh. Oh. Thank you. " She smiled tiredly as she hurried past him to the room. Taking a deep breath before she walked in. Sighing as she saw him lying in the bed, walking over quietly. 

"I'm fine. I'm fine. Stop freaking out. I know you are.. " His gruff voice broke the silence first. Causing her to laugh faintly as she went to stand beside the bed. Reaching down and carefully taking his left hand. 

"Me freaking out? I would never.. " She flashed a small smile looking over his battered body, fleeting images of her brothers body came to mind. Shaking them from her mind as she cleared her throat. "I'm glad you're okay.. I was so worried. You stormed out and then this happens.. I was.. God I was afraid that was the last time I'd ever see you.. " She rattled off as some more tears rolled down her cheeks unfortunately. Making him grunt and move his left arm out so she could sit down beside him. 

"I'm fucking fine. Doc said it was actually fucking good that I was passed out for it. I don't think a fucking doctor has ever said, good thing you were drunk. " He chuckled lowly, wincing slightly at the burning in his chest. Causing her to frown as she sat down putting a hand on his chest carefully. 

"Oh Negan I'm sorry.. Sammy is nothing to me now okay? He's just an old friend. The only thing we have in common is my brother. That's why we stay in touch. To keep my brothers memory alive.. Okay?. I'm sorry. " She sighed stroking his cheek as she leaned in pressing a gentle kiss to it. Making him chuckle yet again. 

"Rachel. Calm the fuck down. I'm fine.  It's fucking fine. I'm fucking fine that you've got another fucking option because I'm a fucking piss poor option. If you want him go get him. He probably makes more fucking money than me. " He shrugged leaning his head back as he shut his eyes. She huffed shaking her head quickly as she thought over what to say. 

"Negan I love you. Not Sammy. Sammy is like my brother now. Yeah we had a relationship years ago but not now. He just got back from a tour and wanted to see me. I'm one of his only friends who understoods him. Understands the pains of loss. " She uttered hoping he'd understand that part at least. As their eyes met she knew he understood it now. Especially as he huffed and had that look. The look that said I'm a fucking idiot. He nodded as he leaned in pressing his lips firmly against hers. 

"I love you too. "


	19. Chapter 19

"Negan? " Lucille's soft voice shook him from his thoughts. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze as he looked at her now, ignoring the other patients sitting around the chemotherapy treatment room. Older people sat here and there with the occasional younger person who seemed just as broken as Lucille. 

"Yeah? " He muttered softly glancing over her features. Knowing if she needed anything, he'd drop everything for her in a second. Her lips slowly curled into a small smile. Something he hadn't seen in a few days. 

"We should get a dog. I think that'd be good for us. And help me especially." He knew it wasn't a question but a statement. He chuckled lowly nodding as he leaned in, pressing a kiss to her paled cheek.

"Whatever you want Luce. Whatever you want." He uttered softly in response. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Negan grunted softly as he tried to make himself comfortable in the hospital bed. Waiting impatiently for the doctor to return with his discharge papers. Fingers drumming against the side rail to the bed. His body ached something fierce still but he didn't want his pain medication. He deserved pain. Especially remembering how much Lucille had been dependent on pain medicine to help her through just one day.   
He glanced up seeing Rachel come inside followed by someone with a wheelchair. A frown immediately stretched on his lips as he shook his head.

"Uh no fucking way am I riding in that damned thing. No fucking way." He uttered gruffly as he stood up, gritting his teeth as he wrapped his arm around his ribs. Intaking a sharp breath as Rachel came over with a worried expression. He quickly waving her off.

"I can fucking walk just fucking fine. " 

"Sir it's hospital procedure. " The ordely spoke slightly timidly. With a huff and roll of the eyes he sat down in it. Glancing down at the floor with a blank expression. Not saying a word as he was wheeled from the room to the elevator. Ignoring the fleeting images of times he rode the elevator while Lucille was in the hospital. He being able to breath a little better once they were outside. Nodding slowly at the orderly as he stood up from the wheelchair waving Rachel's hands off again as he began walking to her car parked at the curb. 

"Dammit Rachel I'm fucking fine. I'm not some goddamned cripple now. It was a fucking accident and I'm fucking fine. So calm the fuck down. " He tried not to sound too harsh towards her as he got into the passenger seat. Seeing her walk around quickly and get into the drivers seat. 

"Why can't I worry? Geez isn't that what girlfriends are supposed to do when their boyfriend was in a car accident? " She snapped back slightly as she drove off from the hospital. He just fell silent, clenching his jaw hearing her irritated tone. Turning his head to look out the window letting the silence fill the void. Flexing his fingers inside the soft cast as he reached to fiddle with the radio with his free hand. Glancing at her as he settled on a older rock station. 

"The fucking cop told me I'll probably get some fucking compensation for this. Since it wasn't the fucking cab drivers fault and I was just a fucking innocent person. And won't have to fucking pay my bills either. That's damned good. " He muttered knowing he couldn't afford the hospital bill on his own. And he damn sure wouldn't let Rachel help him. She smiled lightly though, relaxing a little at his words. 

"That's good. At least something good might come of it. I know you were probably worried about the bill. I was going to.. " 

"/No/. Rachel fuck no. I don't need your help. I'm a grown ass man who can pay my own goddamned bills. I don't fucking need you or your dads help. " He snapped immediately at her, not liking how she seemed to give him so much charity. But he immediately regretted it, seeing her reaction. Her eyes downcast and fingers tightening around the steering wheel. He reached over with his good hand and gave her hand a squeeze. 

"Fuck. I'm fucking sorry. You know my fucking temper gets the best of me. I just don't fucking like people fucking helping me like that. I had to do everything for my fucking self for my entire fucking life. I don't want help now. Okay? " He muttered knowing she'd probably just lash out again about relationships and how everyone needed help at some point. She turned to glance at him since they had stopped at a red-light. Her eyes soft and warm despite his harsh tone. 

"Okay. Okay. I know. I know. I didn't want help at first when my brother died. All I wanted to do was keep going. I nearly worked myself to death. I didn't talk about it and it ate me up. I know it isn't the same but, I kinda get it. " She flashed a small smile leaning over and brushing her lips against his. He was shocked but returned the kiss. Too long as he heard the car behind them blaring the horn. Seeing her cheeks turning bright red as he chuckled. 

"Fuck them. Let's make out at the next damned light. " He winked at her feeling better about himself and their relationship. 

"Oh my God Negan. No. " She laughed shaking her head as she focused on the road, going back to her apartment. He just continued to chuckle at her shaking his head. Wondering how things would turn out after this.


	20. Chapter 20

With new year's eve approaching Negan was honestly excited about the beginning of a new year. Christmas had been pleasant for the couple and the thought of an entire new year to start over was exciting for him. And he could tell Rachel was exited too.   
He had a plan and hoped it would work out the way he wanted it. 

She had left out that morning to get some more food and drinks for their own little party they were having. Her best friend Ashton was coming over, her parents and some of his buddies. He worked on moving some furniture around her apartment so it seemed like there was more room for everyone. 

Now he wasn't ready for a full commitment to her, but he did want her to move in with him to his house. It was already nearly paid off and would be easier for them to manage.   
He'd bought a simple yet elegant necklace for her as a token of love in hopes she'd say yes. He needed to be back in his home with the woman he loved again. New year. New life. 

He had some plans to remodel some things too, repaint and redecorate to make it even better for them. Rid the house of memories from Lucille, although he could already hear Rachel pestering him about not forgetting his wife so easily. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------  
"Three bedrooms, two and a half bath, a two car garage, it's the perfect starter home for you guys. Plenty of room for kids running around. Even the backyard is already fenced in. Master bedroom and bathroom are upstairs with a smaller bedroom and bathroom. Then the smallest bedroom downstairs with the half bath. Take your time to look around. I'll be out here making some phone calls. " Luke grinned at the couple eyeing the house from the front lawn. 

Negan smirked nodding at his old college friend as he tightened his arm around Lucille's waist. 

"What did I fucking tell you babe? Didn't I fucking say I'd find us the best damned house in the entire fucking state of Virginia? " He smirked leaning in and nuzzling her neck before kissing her cheek. Causing her to laugh and nudge him away some. 

"Negan. Stop. Let's to see the rooms. But yes. It's beautiful just from the outside. It has alot of room that's for sure. Come on. " She flashed her dazzling smile as she tugged him inside the house. A soft gasp escaping her as she saw how absolutely perfect it was. Running through the rooms like a kid on Christmas morning. Going up the stairs to the master bedroom.   
Negan following her with his own grin plastered on his face, seeing her so happy was worth every penny he was about to spend. As she went to the bedroom he leaned against the door frame.

"And here is where we'll make some fucking babies. " He teased walking over and kissing her firmly on the lips, pushing her down onto the display bed. Making her giggle and turn as red as a lobster. 

"Negan!  Stop it.. " She huffed softly, putting her arms around his neck and holding him close. 

"This is perfect. I love you so much. Thamk you."

"I love you too Luce. " 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

It seemed so long ago when he and Lucille had viewed the house. Numerous memories built there, good and bad. But he was determined to change that around now. 

He was honestly getting anxious as he waited for Rachel to get back. Glancing at the clock on the wall, knowing the guests would be there in an hour. He wanted to ask her the question before everyone else got there in case she said no.   
Pacing around the living room as he waited. Looking up as she finally returned with bags and bags, he walking over and taking some from her with a chuckle. 

"Damn did you buy all the fucking cheese and crackers? " He teased sitting the bags down on the island counter near the kitchen. She just laughed shaking her head as she sat her purse down. 

"I bought enough. They had a sale so I got enough. " She smiled glancing around seeing how he'd rearranged the furniture. 

"Yeah yeah. So I have a fucking question. " He muttered running a hand through his hair before he grabbed the long box sitting underneath some magazines. Opening it to reveal the necklace with a small diamond on it. 

"I know I fucking love you Rachel. That's fucking clear. And I don't want to fucking give up my house. It's bigger than this place. Room to grow and shit. So, will you fucking move in with me? We'll repaint and shit and do whatever you want. It's fucking time to make new memories. " He uttered trying not to sound too sappy as he shuffled his feet waiting for her answer. Which came as she threw her arms around his neck making him stumble back some. Her voice high pitched from the happiness. 

"Uh yes I will move in with you Negan. I took you long enough to ask me!" She let out a soft laugh before leaning back to press her lips to his softly. Running her hands gently through his hair as his arms snaked around her waist tightly. A low growl emitting from his throat as he glided his tongue over her lower teeth. He breaking the kiss first as he looked into her eyes. 

"I fucking love you. " He mutters softly to her. Seeing now how much it meant by the way she looked back at him. 

"Oh my God it's gorgeous! " Ashton squealed as she eyed the necklace Rachel wore now. Making the girl blush and glance towards Negan who was talking with Luke. 

"Yes it is. I'd  hate to know how much he paid for it but I love it. It was so cheesy but sweet. I guess I've got to start packing ." She laughed as she sipped on her champagne. 

"Uh yes. I'm so jealous. A house! You've got a good guy. " Ashton nudged her with a small smirk. Making her roll her eyes and just smile. 

"He is something else that's for sure. "

"Everyone it's almost time! " Luke shouted, already seeming buzzed.   
All eyes turned to the clock as she went to turn on the television to see Times Square lit up ready to bring in the new year. Feeling Negans arm encirle her waist as she looked up seeing a smirk plastered on his red lips. 

"Well hello. Are you my new year's kiss? " She teased sitting down her glass and putting her hands on his chest. He chuckled nodding slowly as he licked his lips. 

"Sure fucking am sweetie. Happy fucking new year. " He muttered leaning down and pressing his lips firmly to hers as he held onto her hips gently. Hearing the shouts and cheers from the television and those around the room who weren't kidding someone. In that moment he felt alive and happy. Holding onto the kiss well after the new year had begun. She breaking away first, her face red and flushed.

"Happy new year Negan. " She uttered softly, her bright eyes looking over his. 

"Happy new year Rachel. " He uttered in response picking her up and spinning her around. 

It was a new year. A new beginning. He finally had another chance.


	21. Chapter 21

"And there goes another fucking grand. " Negan muttered signing the check and tearing it from the book, sliding it into the envelope that was set to go to the hospital. Rubbing his hands over his face as he tried to relax. The bills from Lucille's treatments were still piling up. Although Rachel's father had helped some he couldn't keep up no matter what he tried. He unfortunately had to go back to working at the used car lot on the weekends and occasional nights. Not to mention the bills piling up from the remodeling of the house. Which he kept from Rachel so she wouldn't worry. As far as she knew, everything was being handled.

\-----------------------------------------------------------  
"Negan. Sweetie. Don't worry. It's going to be okay." Lucille sighed softly as Negan looked over the newest hospital bill. She had only been in chemotherapy for two weeks and the bills were already reaching over one hundred thousand dollars. With her having been out of work, and as little as teachers made, it was going to be difficult to pay them off. 

"I'll fucking handle it babe. Don't worry." Negan ran a hand over his face tiredly but forced a smile for her sake. Knowing this was all his fault. Life was dealing him a shitty hand for all the wrong he had done. It was his time to suffer now. 

"You're a crappy liar. " She smiled softly putting her delicate hand on his cheek. Before leaning in and brushing her lips over his in a brief kiss. 

"But I love you. And. I'm glad you're here now. " She uttered softly knowing he had every reason to run and be with someone else. He quickly shook his head at her words. Putting his hand over hers and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm not going anywhere Luce. "

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Once his cell phone began ringing he groaned dramatically. Slamming his hands down on the table first. 

"What now.. " He grumbled before hitting the green button and putting it to his ear.   
"Hello? "

"Yes this is James Harrison from the insurance office. Concerning your motor vehicle accident in December."  
Negan frowned slightly hoping something bad hadn't happened with the case. Seeing as he couldn't afford another round of bills. 

"Yeah. What can I fucking do for you?" 

"The case has been closed and I just need to confirm your mailing address and bank account number for a direct deposit of twenty thousand and seven hundred dollars. " Wait. What? Did he just say thousand? 

"Are you fucking serious?? " He exclaimed standing up from the table and pacing around. His heart racing from anticipation. The man chuckled on the other end of the line before responding.

"Yes sir. I don't have all the details but I do know the driver of the pickup, had outstanding warrants. So the accident helped to catch him. And the state felt it right to compensate you and the cab driver accordingly. "  
This was unbelievable. He had been hoping for some sort of settlement from the accident but nothing this monumentous. 

"Well damn. Holy shit. But yeah the address on file is the correct one. Let me give you the bank account too. " He grinned grabbing one of the blank checks. This would help pay off the rest of the bills, finish the remodeling and even have some leftover. He had just finished giving the numbers when Rachel walked into the house, carrying a pizza box and bread sticks. Still wearing her dirty clothes from painting the bedroom earlier. 

"What's going on? " She smiled lightly seeing Negan in such a good mood for the first time in a couple of days. Nodding as he held up a finger signaling he needed another minute. Shaking her head with a smile as she grabbed some plates from a cabinet in the kitchen. Before she knew it she felt his strong arms encirling her waist, his lips pressing against her neck. 

"We just fucking got so damned lucky babe. I was just on the fucking phone with the insurance guy. Guess who is getting twenty thousand and seven hundred dollars because the asshole in the pickup was a fucking criminal?" He grinned seeing her eyes light up at the reaction, turning in his arms as she pressed her lips to his. Her hands moving up to his hair excitedly. 

"That's amazing!  That.. Oh my God Negan that will help alot of things! We can finish the remodeling.. Oh my God we could even fence in the yard now! " She smiled widely as she held onto him. Resting her forehead against his. Making him chuckle and grin too. His hands moving down to grab her ass.

"We can even fucking take that damned vacation we talked about. Go to the beach. It'll be fucking perfect babe. " He winked before pressing his lips to hers again. Backing her into the counter now with a devilish smirk. 

"We'll have to fucking celebrate later. But right now.. " He leaned in nipping at her ear before pulling back abruptly with a cheeky smirk. 

"I'm fucking starving babe. " He winked before grabbing a plate and putting three slices of pizza on it and two bread sticks, grabbing a beer from the refrigerator before he went to sit on the couch. Boxes littered the floor from things she had brought to things he was getting rid of. Mostly things he wanted to get rid of. Things that he no longer needed or wanted. 

"You're an ass sometimes. " She smiled shaking her head at his words and actions. Knowing he loved to tease more than anything sometimes. Grabbing herself a plate with two slices and a breadstick before she came to sit beside him, turning the television on to a random movie. 

"Sometimes? " He smirked nudging her as he munched on the pizza. Eyes focused on the movie that was playing. Will Smith was battling some more aliens again. 

"So.. " She broke the silence now as she took a sip of his beer. Glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. 

"So?" He raised an eyebrow propping his feet on the coffee table.

"I'm a couple days late. It doesn't mean anything right now. But I just wanted to let you know. I've got my fingers crossed. " She started off rather confident but her tone turned soft and sad at the end. Glancing down at the floor. He cleared his throat wiping his mouth off with a napkin, before he spoke. 

"So fucking what. Doesn't mean you're pregnant. You know I can't fucking have kids easily. It's probably just because of the fucking move." He grumbled slightly angered she'd even brought that up now. They hadn't even discussed it since her miscarriage months before. But she clearly wanted to discuss it, by the expression from his response.

"The move? Negan that doesn't have anything to do with it. The move hasn't been stressful. I've gotten everything I needed from my apartment. Left what.." She stopped midsentence quickly glancing away and taking a big bite of pizza. He frowned slightly at her words sensing something off now. 

"Left what? " He raised an eyebrow wondering what she was getting on about. Especially since her expression made it seem she didn't want him to know. He waited patiently as she cleared her throat.

"I.. Haven't gave my apartment up yet. I talked to Ashton and well she said I should keep it for awhile. Incase things don't work out.. " She muttered feeling ashamed now shaking her head quickly. "I wasn't going to tell you. My parents pay for it anyways, it's not a problem."

"Not a fucking problem?? You honestly fucking thought there was going to be a problem. Or else you would have already gotten rid of it. You kept it in case things didn't fucking work out. Gee fucking thanks for the confidence in me. Makes me feel a hole fucking lot better. " He scoffed standing up now and taking his plate and empty bottle to the kitchen. Hearing her quickly follow behind. 

"I kept it because it was safe. Maybe we did maybe we didn't work out. It doesn't effect you Negan. " She snapped at him upset that he was upset. But that was the wrong way to approach it. He frowned spinning around and narrowing his eyes at her. 

"Doesn't effect me? Well fucking shit. Something my /girlfriend/ does doesn't effect me? Well then. I guess I'm fucking stupid then. Because last time I fucking checked when someone is in a relationship like this, everything fucking effects them. I can't fucking believe you would keep it from me. Un-fucking-believable. " He shook his head with a look of utter disgust on his face, gulping down the rest of his beer before he went outside to the back yard. Staring up at the darkening sky, hands shoved down into his pockets. 

"What the fuck am I supposed to do? "


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //There is very descriptive smut in this chapter. If you don't feel comfortable reading stop after the twentith paragraph //

After that night of arguing over Rachel's apartment things went downhill slowly. At first only every know and then would she sleep there rather than in the house with him. Then it began being the weekends, then the entire week. He stopped counting after two months. 

What hurt the most was it was a silent break up. Neither of them ever officially said the words they just drifted apart because of the argument about trust and secrets.

Secrets. He had kept plenty through out his life. Especially when he had the mistresses with Lucille. He couldn't even remember all the lies he told Lucille about where he had been. At the supermarket, or the bar playing pool, or staying late to do some paper work for extra money at the car lot. It seemed like now there would always be some secrets in his life coming between him and whomever he was with. 

With the school year slowly coming to a close he was actually ready for the summer vacation. Knowing he'd be able to earn more at the car lot, and he was taking a vacation for himself. Not having thought about Rachel in weeks. Only having fleeting thoughts as he'd see her at work but he'd quickly shrug them off. 

Remodeling the house had been a blessing for him, even though he was alone in it most nights now he felt at home again. Remnants of Lucille were long gone. Save for the small box beneath his side of the bed with some of her most personal items. Everything had been repainted and the wall separating the kitchen and dining room was gone to add a island.

"Fuck all these damned emails. " Negan grumbled scrolling through them as he munched on his sandwich during the lunch hour. Eyes flickering over the numerous ones confirming his purchases for gym equipment or imputing grades into the system. But one from the principal peaked his interest. Clicking on it and groaning loudly. 

Dear faculty and staff.

This years chaperones were drew randomly from a box to keep the odds fair in those who must attend and chaperone prom this year. As a reminder no alcohol or tobacco products are allowed on school premise. School rules still apply. 

Negan groaned again seeing his name on the list. 

"Shit.. " He huffed annoyed now.  High school prom was one of the most ridiculous things ever. Hell he didn't even go to his own. That's how ridiculous they were to him. Rubbing a hand over his face he read the rest of the list and frowned. Rachel was on it too. Just his luck. Glancing at the date to see it was in two weeks on Saturday night at seven p.m in the schools gymnasium. Which also meant he'd be the one who had to help clean up and organize things. 

"Just fucking great. " He grumbled wishing it would hurry up and get here. Two weeks wouldn't go by fast enough for him. What was even worse when he went to rent a tuxedo at the mall seeing all the teenagers gushing and gawking over prom. It made him sick to see them all so eager for something so pathetic. 

"I look ridiculous.. " Negan uttered to himself as he got ready in front of his mirror. Adjusting the bowtie and straightening out his sleeves, slicking his hair back with some gel and splashing some cologne on. Knowing he had to go or he'd get hell from Arnold. Not to mention he'd see Rachel. And just to look at her would be a welcome sight. Donning his leather jacket he hopped onto his motorcycle and rode off to the school. The parking lot littered with some limousines and sports cars. Rolling his eyes as he parked away from them all. Chuckling as some students waved at him seeming slightly intoxicated themselves. Knowing prom was all about what happened before and after it. 

As he walked inside the gymnasium he groaned shoving his hands in his pockets seeing the balloon arches and decorations. The theme being under the sea, light and dark blues plastered the room. Lights made it seem like waves were crashing against the walls. Making his way over to the refreshments he grabbed a cup of punch. Wishing someone would spike it to make this night more bearable for him. Glancing around as his eyes landed on the door seeing some others walking inside. He dropping his cup in astonishment as he saw Rachel. 

She was wearing a strapless red floor length dress, a sweetheart neckline showed off her stunning breasts, while a slit up the left side showed off some leg. But not too much to make her look gawdy.  She had even curled her hair as it hung above her shoulders in gorgeous ringlets of golden honey. He didn't even register that he had dropped his cup of punch on the floor. Trying to find his mind as he watched her walk over to some of the other staff members. While she was talking to one of the librarians their eyes met. And it felt like the entire room didn't exist anymore. 

He cleared his throat feeling the heat rising to his cheek as well as the blood rushing down south. Thankful he'd gotten looser pants, and the dim lights were able to hide his raging boner now. With a grunt he huffed grabbing some napkins to help clean the mess he had made. Glancing back over to her he frowned seeing her walking quickly out of the gymnasium and to the hallway where the bathrooms were. Wondering what was wrong as she seemed fine a few moments ago. Sighing he moved through the throngs of twerking teenagers as he walked into the empty hallway too. 

"Rachel!" He called out seeing her stop for a moment and turn around before she dissapeared into the corner where the locker room doors were. 

"Leave me alone. " She snapped back in a hurt tone, shaking her head as she absently mindedly smoothed down her dress from walking so quickly. Frowning as he came around the corner and stood infront of her.  
"Dammit Negan I said leave me alone. I'm fine. I just needed a minute. " 

"A minute? So you just look at me and you need a fucking minute? You're the fucking one who just up and fucking left me. " He scoffed knowing this was bound to happen sooner or later since they worked at the same place. Rubbing a hand over his face now. Hearing her scoff and feeling her eyes burning a hole into his head. 

"Don't you go there. You didn't try and stop me! You just let me go. You let me go. How do you think that makes me feel? It made me feel like you didn't even want me! It made my worse fears come true. That I was nothing but a play thing. A puppet. Something to just use and throw away. Stop looking at me like that.. Stop. " She narrowed her eyes seeing his expression change as she spoke. 

"Like what? " He snapped letting his hands fall from his pockets to his sides now. "Like this? Because this is the way I look at the woman who fucking made me feel again. Made me love again. I'm fucking sorry if you can't fucking handle my damned gaze but you fucking deserve it. You could have any man you fucking want but you chose me then decided you didn't want me anymore. And I fucking get that. " She swallowed hard tears brimming at the edges of her eyes now as she sent her fist weakly into his chest, it not phasing him at all. 

"I can't breath when you look at me. I can't even look at other men right now. All I think about is you Negan. You. I can't stop thinking about you and trust me I want to but I can't. I can't. " She huffed as she finished waiting for him to say something. Anything. Not expecting what came next. 

His hands reached up carefully holding her face in his palms, leaning in he pressed his lips firmly against hers. The world fading away as he backed her against the wall, his lips fierce and rough against hers. He'd nearly forgotten what she felt like, what she tasted like. He could smell her shampoo and perfume. Feeling her arms going around his neck, thankful for the heels she wore to help with the high distance. A low groan emitted deep from his throat as he felt his arousal building even more beneath his pants. He broke the kiss first as he dug his set of keys from his pocket, unlocking the boys locker room with a smirk. Before tugging her inside to one of the benches. 

Leaning over her as she laid back, her dress hiking up to reveal the red underwear she'd wore too. Another groan emitted from him as he shrugged off his jacket seeing her eyes lighting up from the excitement. Her curls like a halo around her porcelain face. Gripping onto the bench as he leaned down burying his face between her breasts overflowing from the tight dress. One hand snaking up her bared leg and hooking a finger in her panties. Feeling her tremble beneath him as he tugged them down to her ankles. Lifting his head as he looked into her eyes, a silent nod coming from her as he felt her lips crashing against his again. Moving to his knees between her legs now as he unzipped his pants, shimmying them and his boxers down to his knees. His erection springing forward as he didn't waste anytime. Sliding his hands over her thighs and spreading her legs before he plunged deep into her. As they connected they groaned in synchronization, his hands finding hers as their fingers interlocked tightly. Finding a slow rhythm as he rocked his hips back and forth slowly. Making love to her for the first time in months. The spark reigniting between them as he pleased her body. Turning from her lips as he kissed down her cheek, to her jawline and neck. Feeling her arch up into him as she climbed higher from the euphoric feeling coursing through her. 

He grunted as he slowed his pace feeling himself ready to burst, but waiting for her. Panting as his puffy lips found hers again. Feeling her vibrate in response to the sex as she shivered and coated his member. Within seconds he was pulsating and releasing inside of her. A loud moan emitting from him as he leaned over her, holding himself there inside of her for several more seconds. A wide grin forming on his lips as he moved one hand up to caress her cheek. His voice low and sensual. 

"You're so fucking beautiful. I love you." He uttered softly before slowly pulling himself free of her. Smirking at the puddle of sex on the bench now. Knowing some teenagers would surely get blamed for it. Standing as he pulled his boxers and pants up, zipping them up then smoothing them down. Seeing the wide grin plastered on her face too as she sat up pulling her panties back up, her cheeks redder than her dress now. 

"You're /fucking/ handsome. Especially in that tux. " She bit down on her lip knowing this was probably just a one time thing. But for now, in this moment, she was absolutely euphoric. He chuckled loudly as he pulled his jacket back on and straightened his bowtie. 

"Damn. Did you seriously just fucking swear!? " He grinned widely knowing he'd corrupted her now. Closing the distance as he leaned down resting his forehead against hers. 

"Would it be too fucking cheesy to go dance now? " He questioned putting his hands on her hips. Making her laugh softly and shake her head. 

"Not at all. Not at all. " She smiled up at him, losing herself in his gaze.


	23. Chapter 23

"What about that one?" Negan pointed to a small black pistol in the display case. Hunched over the counter in the middle of the pawn and gun shop. A recent string of break ins around the neighborhood had him worried and Rachel even more, so he decided to get some extra protection for now. 

But guns were foreign to him so he was completely confused as he tried picking out something for them to have incase of emergencies.  
Rubbing his chin as he watched the man behind the counter unlock it and take it out. Laying it on a cloth atop the glass. 

"This here's the Glock 43. It's slimline and one of the smallest Glocks. Good for women with small hands you know. Too small for us fellas. Only a six round magazine but it'll do the trick if you need it." He sounded like he knew alot about the weapons and seemed intrigued telling Negan about the specifications of the handgun. He chuckled nodding slowly as he picked it up agreeing at his previous statement. 

"Yeah way too damned small for me. It'd be for my girlfriend. How much is it? " He questioned knowing money wasn't too big of a problem but he didn't want to spend alot on something that hopefully never got used. 

"This one here is two forty. It's used with just a few scratches on the barrel. But it works perfectly. " 

"Alright. I'll take it and one of those twelve gauge shotguns. The black one looks badass. " He nodded motioning to the wall behind the man, as he pulled out his wallet and flipped through the money. Glancing around at the others in the store, it seeming weird at the amount of people buying guns now. But with the government going crazy about terrorists and shootings everyone wanted some protection before the laws were too strict. Falling silent as he filled out the appropriate paperwork for ownership of the guns before paying for them and leaving the store. Laughing at the free carrying bag he received due to his purchase. 

Putting them in the backseat of Rachel's car, the weather proving too much for riding his motorcycle. It tucked away in the garage for now.  
Grunting as he slid into the driver seat and turned the air-conditioning as high as it would go.

"Temperatures reaching the hundreds once again today. " He groaned turning the radio to a music station rather than another weather report. Drumming his fingers in rhythm to the music as he went down to the boutique where he waited for Rachel. Smirking as he saw her coming out with numerous bags. 

"Did you buy the whole damned store?" He teased as he watched her put the bags in the back, seeing her expression change at the sight of the gun bag. 

"So you got one? " She questioned as she settled in the front passenger seat. 

"Yeah. Got you a fucking Glock and a badass shotgun for me. We'll be fine. It's just to fucking make you feel safer if I'm not at home. " He reached over taking her hand and giving it a squeeze, a small smile forming to reassure her too. A sigh escaped her lips as she squeezed his hand back. 

"Probably just some fucking kids breaking in while everyones at the damned pools. " He chuckled knowing she liked the way he could almost humor any situation. A laugh emitting from her as she looked at him. 

"Yeah? Let me guess you would do the same thing? Go into peoples houses and try on clothes while they're gone?" She teased in return. He busted out laughing and shook his head. 

"Hell no. I'd piss in the shower and eat their fucking food. " 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

"Damned..satellite.." He growled slamming his hand against the wall as he stood in front of the television, flipping through the channels all either completely out or were coming in patchy. 

"Oh calm down. It's just a game. " She uttered from the kitchen as she cleaned up the dinner dishes, knowing she was eager to talk to him once he'd settled down. 

"Just a game. You don't get it babe. " He chuckled shaking his head as he walked to the window looking outside at the sky first. Knowing bad weather sometimes messed things up. But the sky was a clear blue, some pinks and orange too as the sun was beginning to set. Huffing he then looked to the dish near the corner of the house. No weeds or grass around it. 

"Oh well. Guess we'll just fucking watch.. " He turned around hearing the emergency broadcast system on the television now. The news station that was supposed to be showing the game had cut to the local news. 

"Breaking news coming to you live from Washington DC. Some sort of pandemic has spread and begun infecting civilians. Please take extreme... " The feed cut and buzzed out before it showed a scene of police and ambulances filling the parking lot at the hospital emergency entrance.

"What's going on? " She spoke up walking over to him and putting her hand on his arm as she looked at the television too. The two watching in confusion and shock. 

A news reporter stood in front of several police cars as numerous people and staff rushed around them. The sound of a helicopter could faintly be heard too. 

"This is just the beginning. Hospital staff are evacuating all able patients with help of the military. Everyone is recommended to stay indoors and off the main highways. If you are bitten seek medical attention immediately..." Before she could continue shouts echoed from nearby, the camera dropped as gunshots erupted around the scene. 

The body of a woman laying on the ground was soon engulfed by others. And they were tearing bits of flesh from her body. And eating them. 

He tensed up seeing the scenes unfold as he wrapped an arm around her protectively. Swallowing hard before he rushed over and locked the front door. Then moving over to the closet to grab the shotgun. His mind going a million miles an hour now. 

"Okay.. Okay.. Fuck. What the fuck? " He muttered shaking his head as he watched the television some more. The scene still live for several seconds before it cut to black and the emergency broadcast alert repeated.  
He glanced at her now with a neutral expression, her eyes wide and full of fear though.

He moved over wrapping his arms around her tightly, feeling his heart hammering from anxiety. Looking down as she still hadn't said anything. 

"Babe.. Babe.. It's gonna be fucking fine. I don't fucking know what the hell's going on. But it's gonna be fucking fine. We've got two guns and the military are gonna fucking fix this. We just won't fucking leave the house. We're gonna be fine.. " He mutters, putting his hands on either side of her face as he looked into her eyes. Knowing she was probably on the verge of an absolute breakdown now. Still no words came from her lips as she stared up at him, her eyes beginning to water with tears. 

He huffed shaking his head as he leaned in pressing a firm kiss to her forehead.

"Babe. Say something." 

"Negan. I. I'm pregnant. " 

He felt his heart drop to his stomach now. His eyes widening as he dropped his hands in shock, watching her with a dumbfounded expression. For months they had tried and wanted a child. But now. With the news alerting them of the impending apocalypse, how could he be happy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Thank you for all the support and feedback on this first fanfiction! Please please please continue to read on in Setting the world on fire. It will be the apocalypse sequel to this. //


End file.
